“Well I think you are sexier.”
That was what I wrote Phillip with a Snapchat last week. Ever since our friends-with-benefits relationship ended we would occasionally flirt with some snapchats or texts, but tonight was different.
I knew very well what I was about to do — I was going to sext him.
I used to refuse to sext anyone because I did not want to take revealing pictures of myself that would later be leaked when I won an Academy Award or ran for president.
“I dated Bradford for almost two years, and I never gave him a single good picture,” I told Ashley over Starbucks, “We would sext all the time, but I never sent him any full-body pictures. I just refuse to take any pictures like that of myself.”
“I agree with you!” Ashley responded. “I have sexted a few different guys, but I never want the pictures to be linked back to me, so I strategically take them.”
Long-distance lovers have sexted each other since the dawn of time. It probably started with cave drawings and naturally progressed through love letters, telegraphs, phone calls, emails and finally mobile texting.
“Bradford used to want to sext all the time,” I said to Ashley.
“After a while I just saw it as something I had to do to make him happy. I wouldn’t even get into it. I would just watch movies or do homework while I sent him inappropriate messages.”
“Whenever a guy wants to sext me I have to put down my Ben & Jerry’s and go find sexy underwear,” Ashley said. “And it can be exhausting too. That’s why I only do it with guys I really like.”
“See, that’s why I think Skype-sex is easier. You literally just have to lay there,” I responded.
So that night Phillip and I reconnected on the one thing that brought us together all summer — sex. Sure we didn’t touch each other, kiss, or even make contact, but we did see each other and make each other feel good.
Sexting has even reconnected me to Bradford. I broke up with him a year ago, but he texted me during the last week of winter break, and it naturally progressed to one thing that we were also always good at — sex.
“If I tell you something, you have to promise not to be mad at me…,” I said to Collette over Chipotle. “I sexted Bradford last night!”
“Good lord,” Collette replied. “Well I guess as long as you had fun. I will not allow you to date him again, but if you are going to be friends and occasionally sext, that’s a good setup for you.”
The passion with him had not changed and the desire to be with each other was almost stronger than before.
“Bradford started the sexting, but I really wanted to see him naked again, so I totally went with it. And it was so hot,” I told Collette.
“I could never sext anyone,” Collette said while she ate her burrito. “I’m just too scared! What if someone else sees my pictures? And it completely ruins the surprise of seeing each other. I feel too vulnerable to send a guy a picture of my body. They have to wait to see it in person.”
Like Collette, most of my friends say that they do not sext either.
“I also have very little sexting experience,” Aurora added. “All I need from a guy is to give me an ego boost followed by radio silence and then I’m good.”
“I just don’t even know how to do it,” Maggie said. “Like when a guy sends me a picture am I just suppose to respond and be like ‘Oh that’s hot?’ This may come as a shock to most guys, but girls are never excited to see a penis.”
“I completely agree!” Alice said. “One time a guy sent me a picture of his dick next to a measuring tape. They’re just gross and we don’t want to look at pictures of them.”
“Anyone who says that they have never sexted is lying” Ashley said. “Sexting is one of those things that everyone does, but no one wants to admit to doing.”
So for those of us that do sext, what happens to the evidence?
Ashley and I save the messages and pictures for a rainy day.
“It’s gotten out of control,” I said to my friends. “I met a guy in Montreal over winter break and now we are long-distance sexters. It’s all we do — that is our entire relationship. We talk every few weeks and one thing leads to another and the next thing I know I’m searching for a sexy pair of underwear.”
How does sexting start, you may be wondering? Some people, like my friend Max, prefer the direct approach. He just sends his boyfriend a dick-pic and says, “Your turn.” I prefer to ease into it a little more, but it all depends on who you are communicating with.
Ashley is not even interested in what she calls, “R-rated sexting.” She prefers to just see abs on guys more than anything else.
So if you want to sext someone, how should you start? And what should you do? Well here are my tips:
Do not just sext anyone. Make sure you know the person and trust them.
Strategically plan your pictures. You do not need to be completely naked to make sexting effective.
Pictures are not even necessary! You would be amazed what can happen with a little imagination and some fast-typing thumbs.
Be smart. It is something almost everyone has tried, but do not let anyone force you into it.
Expect the worst. Screenshots could be taken, so before you take a picture or send a text, think about what would happen if your parents saw it. Yeah, that’s right.
Like it or not, sexting is something that is prevalent in modern relationships. Whether done through pictures or messages, it can spice up relationships and even make them hotter. But sexting does not cuddle with you at night or bring you pumpkin spice lattes at work.
If I sext my ex-boyfriend, my crush and Tinder matches, does that make me a sexting slut? Do we have to sext in order to keep men interested in us? And does this mean that actual intimacy is gone if we continue to #MakeLoveDigitally?
Current Relationship Statuses:
Josh: Celebrating 365 days of being single
Ashley: Losing weight on her diet with me
Alice: Enjoying time to herself
Collette: Pilates > men
Aurora: New flirtationship with baker from farmers market
Maggie: Still doesn’t want to see a penis