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Thursday, November 27, 2014

#RelationshipStatus: The 16 rules of Tinder

@JoshuaDolin

If you have read my previous columns, then you know that my friends and I are obsessed with the mobile dating app, Tinder. The app links through Facebook and gives you the opportunity to like or dislike singles in your area and potentially match with them. We have all chatted with guys from around the country, gone on dates with some and even had relationships with the people that we met on Tinder. But if you are going to use it there are some rules you should follow:

1. Keep your profile description simple, funny and cute
I don’t care what your passion in life is or what your favorite Buddha quote is. That level of pretentiousness is best left for to the students who smoke outside the Fine Arts Department. Tell me something that will make me laugh or something about yourself. My description says, “Hi, I’m Josh and I like warm hugs!”

2. Don’t be ugly
Just kidding – We all care about inner beauty too. However, people like or dislike your profile based on pictures and shared interests. You can choose up to five pictures, but that does not mean you have to choose that many. Just choose your best, and remember to make your hottest picture the first one.

3. Wait to send a message
Did you match with someone? Get it, girl! If he doesn’t message you, wait at least a few hours before you send him a message. If you are a guy, send the girl the first message

4. Start off with something good
You know what I don’t respond to? ‘Hey,’ ‘Sup,’ ‘Hi,’ or ‘;).’ Try to be creative. Collette only responds to guys who send funny messages or ridiculous pick-up lines. I usually start conversations by saying something funny about our shared interests. For example, “Hey Sean, do you want to get Panera and watch ‘Desperate Housewives’?” Works every time.

5. Be secretive
You know what’s unattractive? Someone who tells you their whole life story within the first few messages. I asked you how your day was, not what you’ve done since you finished college two years ago.

6. Don’t get too excited
I know, he’s beautiful and perfect in every way, right? Well, tough luck, because you will not match with everyone. “This morning I liked two super- hot baseball players, but I still haven’t matched with them. Son of a bitch,” Ashley said one day. But the good news is that there is always a different hot guy who will find you attractive.

7. Don’t ask to meet right away
You are meeting someone on a dating application, so don’t rush into meeting anyone. Tinder is very trusted, but make sure you know more about the person. If you have mutual Facebook friends, look a contact up in that person’s profile and Facebook stalk him for a while.

8. Don’t wait too long to meet
I have been on multiple dates with people from Tinder and so have my friends. In our experience the longer you continue to message each other and remain digital pen-pals, the more awkward it is meeting in person because then there is not much left to talk about.

9. No friend-zoning
One of the best parts about Tinder is that people meet on the mutual understanding that they both have the hots for each other. Doesn’t it suck when your dream man thinks of you as just a friend? Well, with Tinder you can immediately pursue a romantic relationship.

10. Don’t drink and Tinder
Are you drinking? It’s a good idea to keep Tinder turned off for the night. We have all woken up to bizarre matches and embarrassing conversations. “I’m pretty sure that I’m the drunk match,” Maggie said. “I’m the one guys give a heart to when they are wasted and then wake up and say ‘Who they hell is this girl?’”

11. Just kidding, Tinder is more fun when you’re drunk
The app is ridiculous. I recently participated in a college drinking game in Canada sponsored by Tinder. Drink if you get a match, finish your drink if he or she messages you first, and everyone drinks if you know that person in real life.

12. Flirtationships can be more fun than relationships.
No one said that Tinder is for finding a life partner. We almost never actually meet people that we match with. Just have fun with what Collette calls a “no-strings-attached flirtationship.”

13. Not everyone is Tinderella
Ashley goes on dates with people from Tinder almost weekly. Most of them do not work out, but she thinks everyone should at least try dating people because you can learn more about what you actually want from someone else. Not all of my dates are winners either, but they are all learning experiences.

14. No group photos
We don’t want to guess who you are. And if you have more attractive friends in the picture, it will just end up being disappointing.

15. Don’t swipe left too quickly!
So what if they are 30 miles away or are “too hipster?” In Albuquerque you just never know when you will have another option. Examine each profile closely and if you happen to know your match, swipe right. You never know if he or she will “like” you also! Once you make a decision about someone, you cannot see that profile again.

16. YOLO
In the end, who cares? Tinder is for people in college to meet new people and go out on some dates. Maybe he is not exactly your type, but he might just be your future husband…or next hookup. Obviously some people are immediate X’s, but when in doubt, YOLO.

If you have not yet downloaded Tinder, you are truly missing out.

Everyday more and more people our age are downloading the app and making “Tinderships.” It can be used to find true love, a flirtationship or sex, but the choice is up to you. It’s going down, and I’m yelling Tinder. So will you continue to miss out on this new age of dating, or will you get Tinder and #SwipeRightForLove?

Current Relationship Statuses:
Josh: 452 matches and counting
Ashley: Still having sleepovers with her Tinder match, Eric
Alice: Still hates Tinder (it’s not for her)
Collette: Receiving sexually advancing Tinder messages
Aurora: Tempted to get Tinder, but avoiding it
Maggie: Only uses Tinder when she’s drunk

#RelationshipStatus
#SwipeRightForLove

Facebook.com/RelationshipStatusUNM