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Thursday, December 18, 2014

#Relationship status: Someday my prince will come

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@JoshuaDolin

“Oh my God this hurts,” I said to my friend Scarlett last week.

“I don’t think I can go any deeper,” she replied. “Remind me why we’re here again?”

The newest guy in my life, Cody, is a dance instructor who specializes in stretching and conditioning. After I met him, I knew there would be no better opportunity to show off my toned legs and check out his abs than by going to his class.

So there Scarlett and I were, dripping sweat and whatever dignity we had left, attempting to complete fifth position.

“The lengths I go to in order to get a date are unreal,” I said to her afterward. “So what did you think of him?”

“He’s nice; he’s just really different,” she said. “But he has a nice body.”

Cody and I decided after class that we wanted to see each other again, so he took me geocaching the following day.

Geocaching is, essentially, hiking-meets-treasure hunting. You use the mobile app to locate “caches,” which are boxes containing small items. Basically, it’s a very cute date idea that I recommend to everyone.

So as Cody and I were walking around the foothills looking for hidden treasure, we had the opportunity to talk. I don’t think I have ever met someone so open and honest before.

He told me about his past, which includes promiscuity and drug use, and his current hopes and dreams. I was able to share with him my interests and passions, and he never interrupted or acted disinterested.

When looking for a “prince,” I think open communication and honesty is the most important aspect I look for.

Princes come in all shapes and sizes. Lately as I walk around campus I have been noticing how happy people are. And they are happy because no matter who they are, they have found someone who loves to be around them — which is, quite frankly, more than I can say for myself.

Now, after an entire year of thinking she would be alone, Collette finally thinks she has found a prince. But is that a good thing?

“I need your help,” she said. “This guy, Patrick, just friend requested me on Facebook and then asked to meet up for coffee, so we did. And he is a perfect match for me. We have the same political views, goals, and he’s really ambitious.”

“Is there anything wrong with him?” I asked.

“Well, so the day after coffee Patrick sent me a good morning text with a sun emoji, and right there I was like, ‘Ok, this is too much for me, I don’t need to get good morning texts.’ Then we met for beers that night and afterward he invited me to go to his parents’ house.”

“He invited you to go meet his parents after a second date? And you met him the day before!?” I asked.

“Yes!” Collette said. “I didn’t know what to say, so I went with him and met his entire family. They showed me pictures of him, asked how we met and welcomed me to the family. I panicked!”

“He introduced you to his family after he met you literally 48 hours prior. He’s crazy,” I said. “What are you going to do with him?”

“I don’t know,” she said.” “He won’t stop texting me and I don’t know how to tell him that I’m moving to Seattle in May and don’t really do commitment and relationships. It sucks because he was perfect. I should have never gone to his parents’ house. It was the most awkward experience of my dating life.”

“At this rate, a proposal can’t be far away,” I told her.

And I will never be able to explain it, but Aurora has always had a natural attraction to men who sell organic food. Maybe it’s their dreamy eyes or maybe it’s their farm-fresh products, but she can never come out of Whole Foods without a new love interest.

“Today at the farmers’ market I was not wearing any makeup and the guy there was either checking me out or hardcore judging me,” Aurora said. “I’m not sure which it was, but I will take it as a win!”

Aurora and I have the same prince in mind, and that would be Prince Phillip from Sleeping Beauty. But more than anything else, Aurora looks for similar interests and passions in a man — and, of course, a sense of humor.

And Ashley’s prince has to wait for marriage to have sex, which is why no one understands why she is seeing Eric again.

“I know that he just wants blowjobs,” Ashley said. “But this time I told him that it is not going to happen. I just go over and sleep with him.”

“So you are basically using him as a body to sleep with?” I asked.

“Yeah, pretty much,” she said. “That is the part I missed most about him. I just like to have a big man to sleep next to.”

So Ashley has been spending most nights of the week with Eric again and it most likely will not end well.

But now I have to figure out if Cody could be my prince. I live in a world of fantasy and magic, and so I dream of true romance from a boyfriend.

And that is the biggest problem with Tinder. It’s a lot of fun to match and chat with new people, but in the end, it’s not how I want to meet my prince.

“Can you imagine telling the story of how you met to your children?” I said to the girls last week. “‘Well, your daddy looked super hot in his picture so I swiped right and he didn’t ask to fuck immediately so the rest is history.’”

And that is one of the best parts about Cody — I met him the old-fashioned way. He came up to me, we flirted, he asked for my number and then we spent time together. He is polite, caring, honest and handsome. I think that fits the description of any Disney prince, right?

In the world of dating, we are all looking for a prince. The hard part is finding out which ones are the real deal and which ones just want blowjobs. I do believe in happily ever after and I know that someday my prince will come. Can Cody be my prince? How do we know when we have found the right one? Will it just feel right? Or is the only way to find a prince with #TrueLovesKiss?

Only three more installments of #RelationshipStatus in the Daily Lobo!

After May 8, the search for love continues at: RelationshipStatus.blogspot.com..

Current Relationship Statuses:
Josh: Movie date with Cody (potential for cuddling)
Ashley: There will be sleepovers, but no blowjobs
Alice: Back from her visit with Bill
Collette: Engaged?
Aurora: Reunited with an old fling
Maggie: Will always be my princess

Like reading #RelationshipStatus?
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