As this semester comes to a close and my friends and I prepare for new adventures after graduation, I have been reflecting on our search for love this past year at UNM.
If there is one phrase that applies to all of us it would be: “you belong with me.”
Most of my friends and I are single, so we can’t help but constantly imagine relationships with other people on campus.
Sometimes guys are funny, sometimes they are charismatic, but most of the time they are just smoking hot. So we can’t help but wonder why they don’t want to date us. I think this is something a lot of people struggle with — why can’t our dream guys just see how happy we would make them?
“I experienced love at first sight today at North Face,” Aurora said. “And it was with a man this time, not a jacket.”
Aurora has yet another secret lover, so why can’t she date the North Face employee? Doesn’t he see he belongs with her?
While Aurora tries to talk to this guy, she has been busy deflecting a different guy from high school.
“So Brandon and I had a fling four years ago and he just messaged me and asked to hang out last week,” she said. “He’s a model now and such a tool, so it’s just not going to happen. Plus, he tries to overcompensate for the fact that he is a model by sending texts that look like they came from the written portion of the SAT. The words are misspelled and used incorrectly, but I’ll be damned if he doesn’t consult thesaurus.com to bring up that character count.”
And while Aurora tries to decipher her messages from Brandon, Ashley has been struggling with Eric, who I like to call “blowjob guy.”
“So my willpower with Eric kind of dissolved,” Ashley said. “I gave him a blowjob.”
“Of course you did,” I said.
“I hate the girl who invented oral sex,” Ashley said. “At some point in history, there must have been a girl who just said ‘Why not?’ and decided to try it and she totally screwed the rest of us over because it’s all guys want now. Thanks a lot, slut!”
But the real problem is that Ashley is developing actual feelings for Eric.
“I used to just think he was a jerk,” she said. “But the more time we spend together, the more I am starting to really like him.”
Similar to most of you, I am disappointed in Ashley. But stay tuned for next week’s finale when I find out what she is going to do once and for all with Eric: relationship or breakup.
“Do you ever see people on campus and wish you could date them?” I asked Collette last week.
“No, absolutely not,” she said. “I am not attracted to anyone on campus. I honestly just like being alone. I might never date again.”
But while Collette enjoys time to herself, I have been spending my time dreaming about how happy I would be with different guys.
And on a trip to Washington D.C. last week, I met so many attractive men and I wanted to date all of them.
As I went bar hopping and started talking to all of the hot men, there was nothing more that I wanted than to be wanted by one of them. Because knowing that someone else is attracted to me and enjoys spending time with me is the best feeling in the world.
But once I got back from D.C., I saw Cody in the Fine Arts Library and he asked to hang out again. I just didn’t know what to say to him. And then there is Sam in Houston who wants to date me, but I’m not sure if I belong with him either.
I wish I could date a lot of men, but for different reasons. Essentially, I have been single for more than a year and my greatest fear is that I am the problem.
“You’re hot, you can get any guy you want,” Maggie said.
“Yeah, you belong with me,” Collette added.
“You don’t understand how judgmental gay people are!” I said back. “My people are not nice. Even my taxes asked me my relationship status. As if I didn’t feel pathetic enough for not being able to find a man to love me, the federal government is also reminding me.”
No one ever said love was easy, but this sense of rejection is arguably the most upsetting. And overall it sums up my experience with love this year.
Honestly, it has been hard to keep going without someone. Every weekend I think about what it would be like to cook dinner with someone and then cuddle and watch Disney movies with them. Someone to talk to and share successes and failures with, who will bring me Starbucks at work. Just somebody who loves me.
I see so many people who have that and I can’t understand why no one wants to share that experience with me. This rejection is embarrassing, but more than anything else, it hurts that I can have such strong feelings for someone else when they don’t even notice me.
So as I walk around campus or swipe through Tinder matches, I immediately flash through a prediction of how happy those people would make me, and what I could offer them.
Unfortunately those guys are with the cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers. But will they ever wake up and find that what they have been looking for has been me the whole time?
What if I am not what anyone is looking for? I have so much love to give, and I just wish some guys could see that they belong with me.
We all say that we love single life, but after a while it leaves me wondering if there is a problem with me. Am I not attractive enough? Am I too crazy? Are other people just more enjoyable than me? And if I am the problem, then what chance do I have at making a relationship work with someone else?
I am searching for love because it is missing in my life. But more than just giving love, I want to be loved by someone else.
How much longer do I have to wait and what do I need to change in order to make a relationship work? I dream about my future with countless men everyday. If only they could see that I’m the one who understands them. In the modern search for love we look for many things, but don’t we mostly just want our dream guys to see that #YouBelongWithMe?
Don’t miss the grand finale of #RelationshipStatus next Thursday in the Daily Lobo!
After May 8, the search for love continues at RelationshipStatus.blogspot.com.
Current Relationship Statuses:
Josh: International Advertising Champion and still no boyfriend
Alice: Together with Bill at last
Collette: Happy being single (for now)
Aurora: Shopping more often at North Face
Maggie: Wine belongs with her
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