Letter: Consent needs to be understood to prevent sexual assault

Editor,

Everyone deserves a sex life that is safe, healthy and pleasurable -- and that includes every Lobo right here at the University of New Mexico.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and the Student Alliance for Reproductive Justice is hosting a Take Back the Night, Thursday, April 28th from 7 to 9 p.m., starting west of the Cornell parking structure and ending at the Duck Pond.

SARJ is happy to announce that we are working with some great organizations as well. The UNM Women’s Resource Center, the LGBTQ Resource Center and the Rape Crisis Center of New Mexico are going to be our guest speakers. We are also excited to have three student poets that are passionate about fighting sexual assault: Eva Crispin, Audrey Tobyas and Mercedes Holtry. Our organization feels that spreading the word and educating students that these issues are real and need our attention is the only way to change things for the better.

Last summer, a survey from Kaiser and The Washington Post among current and recent college students found major differences in students’ understanding of consent.

For example, when asked if different scenarios constituted consent for sex (undressing, getting a condom or nodding), 40 percent of students responded that these actions were consent — yet another 40 percent said they were not. And nearly half of the responses said it is unclear whether sexual activity when both people have not given clear agreement amounts to sexual assault.

This is a problem. If we don’t know what consent is, what it looks like, how to ask for it or how to give it, we will never really eliminate sexual assault on college campuses.

I’m sure we can agree with the basic principle that all sex should be wanted sex – but what does that actually mean?

Let’s start with what isn’t consent. Silence is not consent. Saying “I don’t know” is not consent. Being pressured or manipulated into doing something is not consent. Consent is when everyone is clear about what’s going to happen next and they’re happy and, well, excited about it.

So if a person is drunk, high, passed out or asleep, it’s not okay to do anything sexual with them — they can’t consent when wasted or unconscious. That is rape.

Getting comfortable having these conversations can help your partner understand what you like better and vice versa, which will only help enhance the experience for you both.

So, we can combat sexual assault while improving our sex lives? Consent seems like a win-win for every Lobo.

In Solidarity,

Nicholas Montoya

UNM student

Member of the Student Alliance for Reproductive Justice