Harris has options for rescuing University's strained budget
Editor,
This is an open letter to David Harris, UNM executive vice president and former UNM interim, aka “acting” president:
Dear Dave,
Given the fiscal crisis at the University, I’ve been batting around some ideas about cost cutting and fundraising over the next year or two. To be sure, I’m not a financial wizard like you — I don’t think I could even imagine a scenario in which I could simultaneously collect both a salary and retirement benefits from the state of New Mexico (You’re a genius!) — but I hope you’ll at least give my ideas some consideration. Here goes:
— Sell naming rights to University President David Schmidly.
— Sell naming rights to the school (e.g., “Jamie’s University”)
— Lease drilling rights to the North Golf Course.
— Replace toilet paper in all restrooms with copies of Dick Peck’s golfing books.
— Urge faculty to sell online porn in lieu of giving them raises.
— Pin a meeting tax on everyone who calls one.
— Increase prices on everything in the Bookstore that isn’t a book.
— Hire only faculty who have advanced degrees from the University of Phoenix.
— Sell the soul of the University to Satan with an option to buy it back when the recession is over.
— Raffle off the English department.
— Sell the seats in University Stadium that have never been occupied.
— Charge faculty a “licensing fee” to teach their classes.
— Sell all the books in the library before they are available in digitized versions anyway.
— Metal detectors for loose change around the Duck Pond.
— Replace the police department with Hells Angels, like the Stones did at Altamont.
Let me know if any of these ideas result in a significant budget relief. If so, I hope you can find a way to give me a raise. I want to retire as soon as possible, so I need to increase my retirement benefits, but I really don’t want to double-dip like you have apparently had to do.
Possibly related:
- Complex passwords a necessary annoyance · Feb 9
- Life-altering consequences of Oscar wins · Feb 4
- Drug companies: looking for wealth not health · Feb 2
- Highfalutin iPads incite violence · Feb 1
- Finding happiness in an unsustainable reality · Jan 29
Gary Scharnhorst
UNM distinguished professor
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by Lobo Joe
Prof. Scharnhorst;
How about these money savers:
-Fire Coach Schmidly – Add symmetry by canning Krebs
restore asymmetry by firing President Schmidly( He’s obviously outlived his usefulnesshe was probably judged so the day he took the job).-Consider canning all or most of the Regents
-Vow never again to hire three incompetents as we’ve recently done.
-Force the three bozos to apologize to the residents of New Mexico for assuming we’re a bunch of ignorant folks who wouldn’t know they were being scammed if the three incompetents publicly announced it.
by SS
Wow, Gary, tell it like it is. I vote for raffling off the English department. Of course, in true New Mexico political fashion, they could just sell a seat on the Board of Regents or hook up with an insurance scam and skim money from the students.
by Student Dad
Harris is a survivor who knows how to walk the fence on any side of the political spectrum. He had a big job with Repulican Governor Johnson, then conveniently transiitioned to Big Bill’s admin. Yea, he’s clever to a fault – always looking out for himself and how much money he can make fleecing taxpayers and students. Didn’t you guys give him a big vote of No Confidence? Guess no one listens to the faculty.