by Riley Bauling
Daily Lobo
Finally, after a 438-game regular season, the NBA Playoffs are here. Being that I don't have cable, I'd like to declare a hex upon all the money-grubbing executives who put the playoffs on channels I have to pay for.
The NBA Playoffs truly are a magical time. Players who have hoisted close to 36 shots a game now eerily find teammates for wide-open shots - see Kobe Bryant.
Players who have looked like Zeus during the regular season turn into Hermes - doesn't he sound like he should be the god of STDs? - see Steve Nash against the Los Angeles Lakers and LeBron James in Game 2 against the Washington Wizards.
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Personally, I've been somewhat disappointed with James. I watched the first game of the series against the Wizards and thought basketball had finally found its replacement for Michael Jordan. Then, in Game 2, James turns the ball over 10 times. I know he's only 21 years old, but I want my savior now.
Nash getting Kobe-crotch in his face had to be the funniest image in Round 1. The best part was that it came right after Bryant, I'm sure, told everyone he was going to get MVP, only to have a 6-foot white guy from Canada take the award instead.
You know Nash had to see that one coming. Everyone saw it coming. Kobe gets ball. Kobe takes ball to rim. Kobe elevates over Nash as he tries to take the charge. Kobe "the Mamba" thrusts his mamba in Nash's eye as he dunks, hangs on the rim and comes down on Nash's head. Really, it's a sight to behold. The best part is that Nash has the audacity to continue to talk trash to Bryant every game. Really, what does he have to say to Mamba? The guy emasculated him in front of millions. Get a haircut, Nash.
I would not want to play the Mamba right now. He's got the look in his eyes that Viggo Mortenson got in a "History of Violence" right before he smashed some dude's nose into his frontal lobe or obliterated his face with a scalding pot of coffee. Wait until the Lakers have to play the Clippers in the second round and Kobe realizes his team is completely inept.
The Mamba is not going to take that well. He'll snap and we'll all get to see the Kobe that was accused of rape. That's not a fun Kobe to be around. He's aggressive, pushy and really feels like it's his way or, well, his way anyway. I repeat, not a fun Kobe.
It's inevitable that the Detroit Pistons will make the finals from the Eastern Conference because their competition would have trouble handling some WNBA teams. I want to see James put the Cavaliers on his back and will them to the finals, but he has about 15 more years to do that, so we'll let someone else have the chance.
The Dallas Mavericks look like a team on a mission, so I'll take the Mavs in the finals against the Pistons. Yeah, I know, I'll be bored too.
Thankfully, that'll give the Mamba six months to do something stupid, like, I don't know, force someone to have sex with him. Then, he'll have to redeem himself during the season which means we'll see crazy Kobe who scores 81 points a game. I can't wait.
