by Alex Tarrand
Daily Lobo
Hey there, run out of pretty people to fill your post-wakeup, pre-class, pantless part of your day? I know I have - at least since MTV's "Roadrulers" won their prize and left our lives until next year's reunion special.
But thankfully that which created the sickness also makes quick with the cure. You guessed it, "Real World, Las Vegas," or "RW12" as the not-as-hip-as-they-think-they-are sounders say, has just popped the cork on a brand new season and I can already taste the sweet oncoming bile.
Clad in a whole new cast of sophisticates who, like the many seasons before them, bask in announcing when they go to the bathroom and make a point of always holding the elevator until they finish their conversation or make out. Good people, who in their defense, I must say are really quite attractive.
Attractive and fashionably fantastic, for in true Vegas form they're all dressed as though they were 10 years younger. Which is sometimes unnerving considering that they're all about 21. But if you're ready to watch, and believe me I am, they are willing and able to generously produce the copious amounts of sweet, yet sour, backhanded compliments that keep us coming back.
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"Yeah, but you're such a good person. I mean you're only a big slut when you're drunk, right?"
Absolutely, Brynn, good observation.
What I really like about this show is the nostalgia of it all. I mean, remember the people in your high school who always sneered at everyone who tried too hard and assumed that everyone agreed with them. Yeah, I've haven't kept in touch with them either, but who needs to when you've got perfect carbon copies who are so much better looking on MTV. The show is interactive as well. Indeed, there is even an online contest that gives a nominal prize to whomever can guess what's going to happen on the next episode. And since I'm such a swell fella and an aficionado of vapid, ugly, tasteless, corporate-packaged crap, I'm going to give you the inside edge on what's in store for this year's "Real Worlders" in the months, and years, to come.
Drunk and tanned, they will lead long and successful careers for the next three months, where upon she'll sleep with him only to spite the guy who likes her who's already turned gay but isn't really sure yet. Then, thinking that they all have one foot in the door to fame, they'll soon to migrate to Hollywood, or a surrounding suburb, and spend the next two to nine years being extras in "Buffy" and "7th Heaven" spin-offs.
Whereupon they'll emerge torn, bitter, shaving on a bi-yearly basis and parking in front of the current "Real World" house selling presents for beer and make-up money, praying that someone will be distracted enough by their now flickering celebrity that they won't realize their wallets are missing 'til they get home.
By the way, auditions for next year's "Real World" start this month.
