Kevin Smith fans start your weeping.
Writer/director Kevin Smith has just dipped his loyal fan base headfirst into the bog of eternal clichÇs and sentimental mush. His latest endeavor, "Jersey Girl," has not only proven a letdown for Smith fans far and wide, but its writing rises only slightly above Hallmark card status.
"People who are fans of 'Chasing Amy' will find this more up their alley," said Smith in a conference call.
Oh the lies.
The elements that make "Chasing Amy" such a success have nothing to do with the romance or the more character-oriented script.
Not only is the dialogue of "Chasing Amy" fast-paced and unique, but any romantic comedy that has the leading lady telling her man that she is not his whore and leaving is nothing if not original.
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"Jersey Girl" has very few of these elements.
Ollie Trinke, a music publicist, played by Ben Affleck, has just lost his wife (Jennifer Lopez), but gained a daughter named Gertie (Raquel Castro). Ollie is so distraught over the loss of his wife he throws himself into his work harder than ever, leaving Gertie in the capable but reluctant hands of Grandpa, Bart Trinke, played the great George Carlin.
When Grandpa decides to force Ollie to take care of the kid, Ollie gets overstressed and screams a few ill-timed insults about the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Will Smith.
Keep in mind that this is just before the release of "Independence Day."
He loses his job. From this day forth he declares he will be a better dad in one of the soppiest, clichÇd monologues in the history of bad speeches.
Strangely enough, though, this oh-so-touching movie moment has a story behind it. While every bad-father clichÇ spews from Affleck's mouth, the infant he was holding did some spewing of its own.
"Affleck was shooting with one of the infants for the scene," Smith said. "He picks it up and is doing his speech when suddenly it shoots projectile vomit all over him. You've never seen a guy move so fast. Suddenly he jumped back and almost drop-kicked the baby."
Smith said it was his favorite moment on the set.
The rest of the movie is dedicated to Ollie trying to fulfill this righteous vow while struggling to regain his job as a publicist in the Big Apple.
Seven years after the loss of his wife he meets Maya (Liv Tyler) who helps Carlin in a noble attempt to save this doomed film. They add the only real humor and originality "Jersey Girl" has to offer. Upon discovering that Ollie has not had sex in seven years, Maya tells him that they're going to his place so he can get down with some long overdue casual sex. When he protests, she admonishes, "Ollie, a man cannot survive on porn alone." This is the highlight of the film, no joke.
So while the movie is not a complete failure and the mass-Kevin-Smith-fan suicides will have to be rescheduled for another point in time, many devotees' faith in Smith is shot. Maybe, just maybe, he can redeem himself with "The Green Hornet," but after this, it seems as if that's a long shot.
"Jersey Girl" opens nationally Friday.
