As a celebrity, which talk show you choose is a lot like which urinal you stand at in the men's room.
It's a public respecter of confidence. The closer you stand to the sinks and mirrors, the brassier you feel about your tackle. Likewise, the talk show you pick to attend speaks volumes about your priorities and personality.
Those who go for the "McEnroe" option are willing to talk honest politics and possibly be contradicted or assaulted for their beliefs. Or so they and I thought.
Tennis-star-turned-talk- show host John McEnroe's show airs at 8 p.m., weeknights on CNBC.
The supposedly hard-hitting, just-the-facts, self-proclaimed no-nonsense driven "McEnroe" is about as masculine and forthright as a matching tennis hot-pant's-wristband combo.
"I'm a has-been tennis player who likes to talk," states McEnroe. And indeed he does, employing such tactical conventions as pausing 20 seconds before remembering his question, spitting sports euphemisms at his guests like they were stale chew, or throwing Wimbledon hissy fits.
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Within the show's opening minutes, which this week featured Howard Dean (making it a little too obvious it's really sex that sells this show), the constant interruption made it clear to audience, guest and CNBC that giving McEnroe a show was like providing $1 million budget and an hour-long forum for an unfed Boston Terrier to express it's political ideals. It's tense, but not worth the attendance.
To be fair, he does try - good guests, a deejay instead of a live band and a coffee mug with his name on it. But ultimately, actually searching for broadcast integrity is like Christopher Columbus driving the van on a road trip to India.
Bottom line - former tennis champ plus hard topics begets, at best, a mediocre social with an impressive guest list.
Now if it were perhaps, I don't know, R. Kelly guest hosting the Beach Water Park's Dance, Dance, Dance, It's a Teen Thing? That's real potential for issue expression, and it's good TV.
