Sandler's songs, skits fall flat

Adam Sandler's newest audio attempt, Shhh...Don't Tell, is far from what most people would expect.

Songs like the "Hanukkah Song," "Thanksgiving Song," and "Piece of Sh-t Car" from older albums were hilarious and would get stuck in your head for days. Shhh...Don't Tell has nothing of that caliber.

The CD opens with a skit portraying a birthday phone call to an old pervert. The pervert tries to guess what his gift will be by asking questions such as, "Can it blow me?" and "Can my wife strap it on?"

The album, which has 13 skits and seven songs, only gets worse. A recurring character, Mr. Pibb, makes his first appearance, on the next track. He tries to learn how to surf and seems to be better than Sandler, but he ends up crashing into the reef and getting injured. Things such as this happen to Mr. Pibb throughout the album. It's not funny the first time, so by Pibb's fourth or fifth injury the average listeners will probably curse themselves for buying the album.

Shhh...Don't Tell isn't completely bad, though. There's a segment during "The Amazing Willy Wanker" that sounds like David Bowie, and "Mr. I Do and The Doo Doos" is a good song about a new husband bragging to his friends about the sexual

plusses of marriage. It has funny bits here and there and decent music.

The last track, "Stan the Man," is an ode to Sandler's father. It is funny, but it's also heartfelt - the only song on the album actually worth listening to.

The skits are mediocre as well. One called "Newlyweds, Sleepyheads" is a newly married couple trying to fall asleep and saying bad things about each other in their sleep. It's nothing special, but it might get a laugh or two out of some people.

This is Sandler's fifth LP, and he probably should have stopped at four - or at least planned this one better. This album sounds like Sandler sat around with David Spade and Rob Schneider for a half-hour talking about gay robots and an old guy who hurts himself, then decided to make an album about their conversation. More thought could have led to better laughs, but the creation does have its funny points.

Shhh...Don't Tell

Adam Sandler

Grade: D+