Three days ago, the serenity of the sports desk was sent into a tailspin when Riley stormed into the office and demanded a trade. Unhappy with his writing time and pay scale - "I got a family to feed, yo!"- Riley insisted I find another publication more suitable to his talents.
I'm working to finalize a deal with the Daily Aztec, which offered a 2001 Chargers' media guide and a stapler. Negotiations have been intense - I'm holding out for the staples - so I need to take a break and pontificate on the NBA, my favorite of all pro sports leagues.
Riley's obviously taken his cue from all the NBA stars who have spent their summer trying to force their teams' owners to ship them somewhere else. Shaq, T-Mac, Vince, Peja, Baron and Latrell are all on record with trade demands, successful in the case of the first two.
These young millionaires, though under contract, detest the idea of playing for a loser, a certain jerk coach or for any less than eight figures. It's an ugly situation that's staining the league, and lately it's becoming harder and harder to find admitted NBA fans.
Yes, the players are mostly oozy egomaniacs. There are more bad teams than good ones, and offenses are becoming so slow and one-on-one oriented that games can be harder to watch than "The Passion of the Christ."
But this is still the NBA - still the best players in the world playing the greatest game at the highest level.
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And last year should give us all hope for the future of NBA hoops.
With their decisive finals victory over the Lakers, the Pistons may have elevated the NBA into another golden age. Gone are the days when one or two dominant players are all a team needs.
Scope the entire sports landscape and it's become clear coaching and teamwork win championships. While the MLB and NFL anoint a different champion each year, the NBA has been stuck in dynasty mode. We knew the Lakers or Spurs were bound to take it all before their seasons even started.
It was only a matter of time before the NBA caught up to the rest of sports.
With that in mind, my super-crazy predictions start in the lowly East, where LeBron decides he'd rather just get to it and carries the Cavs past the defending champion Pistons into the Eastern Conference Finals against Indiana. Just for fun, I say he averages a quadruple-double and wins the series in six.
In the West, it's all about Tim Duncan. I don't care about Garnett's stats, Duncan is by far the best player in the league right now, and he'll take the Spurs to the Western Conference Finals like a stoic champ.
But then they'll meet the Utah Jazz, my pick to win it all this year. So what if I've loved this team since I was snacking on Gerber - the Jazz epitomize everything I described above.
There is one lottery pick on this team, so we don't need to fear any egos. They are the best-coached team in the league, proven last year when they narrowly missed the playoffs after being picked by many "experts" to finish as the worst NBA team of all time. They're young and fast, and they play like they want to. Watch these bad boys coast through the regular season and then put on a show in the playoffs.
Jazz in seven over the Cavaliers in the NBA finals.
And no, I'm not high - just optimistic. Why else would I be holding out for those staples?
