There are three categories of people who eat at McDonald's.
The first has no problem with it.
The second wouldn't touch a quarter pounder with Gortex gloves.
The third group understands the food is unhealthy but will occasionally break down and eat at McDonald's and then feel guilty about it.
I'm in the third category.
Driving around town one day, I saw a giant banner draped from a McDonald's play place proclaiming "The McRib Is Back!" It beckoned me to enter the fast-food giant and try the pork sandwich.
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The McRib was born when McDonald's decided to mass produce a barbecued pork sandwich. The meat - term used loosely - is deboned, processed and then shaped into a lump that resembles a slab of ribs. It cooks in a vat of McDonald's barbecue sauce and is served on a bun with pickles and onions.
Believe it or not, the McRib has a cult following. People go nuts for this thing.
The first time I heard about McRib mania was in a 2003 episode of "The Simpsons." The Springfield branch of Krusty Burger introduces a sandwich called the ribwich. Homer becomes addicted with one bite - spoofing the pupil-dilating heroin injections in "Requiem for a Dream."
The sandwich is a limited-time-only offer, and soon Homer finds himself on a caravan tracking the ribwich's release at different Krusty Burgers around America.
A quick search on the internet found a petition at www.petitiononline.com containing over 800 signatures to get the McRib on the permanent McDonald's menu.
"The McRib is the greatest sandwich in the world!" proclaims one petitioner.
Some people write of fond memories from road trips to find the sandwich, while others simply wish McDonald's would open its ears and hearts to the plight of America's McRib junkies.
"We have no plans to put it on our core menu," McDonald's spokeswoman Gretchen Crichton said. "We know that there's certain consumers out there that have a following with the McRib. It's a taste that not everyone likes, but we bring it back periodically."
With Homer in mind, I took the plunge. Armed with poison control's number, I ate the much-desired sandwich.
While it didn't kill me, I can't say that I became addicted, let alone would want to eat it again. It's just uninteresting. I found myself wishing I had chosen the Big Mac instead.
The next night, unable to sleep, I pulled myself into my car and drove to the 24-hour McDonald's across from UNM to get a Big Mac. I came home, unwrapped it and greedily ate the thing.
Then I realized that I'd eaten McDonald's for two days in a row.
Maybe the McRib has sucked me into the sick world of fast-food fanaticism.
