by John Bear
Daily Lobo
Apparently, Slim Shady feels he has amassed such a massive repertoire of material that it would be madness not to release a greatest hits album just in time for the holiday season.
Really, where does this guy get his balls? Greatest hits albums are for the Doors or Johnny Cash - performers who are dead or have an extensive catalog that would necessitate a medium for uninitiated listeners to take in a good sampling.
Yes, Eminem has four albums, a soundtrack and numerous side projects, but the hits off each one are still played on commercial radio an average of 77 times an hour, making a best-of compilation a waste of $20.
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But that is the point. Eminem and his compatriots, like 50 Cent, didn't seem to have a whole lot to offer this year. That lack of creative output, however, doesn't mean rich executives and artists don't have Bentley coupes that need to be detailed and hacienda-style mansions that need to be stuccoed. So they make up little gimmicks like special editions. 50 Cent did it. Now Eminem is sort of following suit.
On the other hand, purchasing this album will allow a curious listener to track Eminem's career path. The songs do not follow any chronological order, but a quick Google search will enlighten the listener as to what album each song came from. He or she will then realize just how seriously Slim has begun to take himself.
His first album, "The Slim Shady LP," possessed a light-hearted - albeit extremely foul-mouthed and misogynistic - charm to it. He often added his own sound effects and asides in the background that correlated with the rhymes, giving the songs a little extra flavor and setting them apart from other rappers. In short, his earlier material was funny and inspired, if not a little over the top.
Each subsequent album sheds a little of the comedic material. Slim instead focuses more closely on how much he hates his mother and ex-girlfriend. He adds constant lyrics about his daughter, Haley, which is sweet enough, but don't you hate people who won't shut up about how cute their kids are?
On songs like "Cleanin' Out My Closet" he rhymes about people protesting him for being so uncouth. Maybe I wasn't paying attention, but I cannot recall anyone complaining about Eminem's lyrics, no Republican senators calling for bans or anything like that. His lyrics espouse a hatred of women and homosexuals and a love of firearms. No card-carrying right-winger is going to take issue with that. Some people stood up to denounce Slim's hateful lyrics, but it only seemed to fuel his popularity.
Hip-hop is a self-promoting brand of music, but Eminem has taken things too far. His second album featured the song "The Way I Am," on which he complains about his newfound fame. On other songs he whines about growing up poor. So which is it, Slim? You can't have both, so pick one. Be rich and miserable or poor and miserable, but show a little consistency.
The album features Slim's ill-conceived duet with super-industry prostitute Elton John, a new low as far as I am concerned. Skip this one. Really, skip this one.
The greatest crime of this album - other than the fact that it should never have been released in the first place - is the noted lack of "Just Don't Give a Fuck," Eminem's best song ever, hands down. The song, which showcases him at his most lyrically adept, appeared on mixtapes back when no one had heard of a shady dude named Slim. And to leave it off of a greatest hits album is a crime against the great American rock 'n' roll experiment.
Slim should go tap into that expansive imagination of his and produce some more material. He doesn't have enough to justify this travesty.
Sorry, Shady. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean to make you cry, but tonight, I'm using your album as a coaster.
