by Lucinda Ulrich
Daily Lobo columnist
By now, unless you live in a cave, you've probably heard that Dick Cheney, the vice president of the United States, shot one of his constituents.
Apparently, Dick shot his hunting buddy from 30 yards away, enough distance in hunting circles to determine that his comrade was actually not - contrary to popular, or at least executive, belief - a bear, a mountain lion or, worse, a threatening member of the flightless bird population. Former Vice President Dan Quayle is lucky he wasn't with Cheney by virtue of his name alone.
This serious, possibly life-threatening faux pas of Cheney's is a metaphor for how this administration has been running internal and foreign policy.
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This isn't the first time I've been mortified by the behavior of our esteemed vice president. I remember like it was yesterday when Dick told a senator to go f--- himself. If I told anyone I have a professional relationship with to go f--- themselves, I do believe I'd find myself out of a job. Call me strange, but I wouldn't even say this to people I have a close relationship with. Why? Because it's disrespectful.
But I guess if you're the great and powerful Dick Cheney, vice president of the greatest country in the world, I suppose you're above the rules.
As an American who takes pride in the code of ethics that is modeled in the highest office of our nation, I am deeply ashamed and offended by the actions of Cheney. Public leaders, especially in the highest office in the country, are supposed to set the example, not behave like at-risk youth off their medication. If all of us took our cue from Cheney, board rooms would start to look like that Geraldo show where a neo-Nazi guest attacked the host with a chair - except that guns do more than give you a broken nose.
Yes, if you ever disagree with someone in this golden age of democracy, just tell him or her to go f--- themselves, or if at a loss for the appropriate words, just blast away.
Wouldn't it be great if "we the people" could put this "government for the people, by the people" on trial? That would be a fantastic example of checks and balances that doesn't involve Enron. Imagine for a moment that the vice president is the guilty-until-proven-innocent party, sworn on the holy Bible to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help him God.
Nervous but with an intense and earnest look on her face, the prosecuting attorney paces around the courtroom, pausing to build tension. She takes a deep breath, then a step forward and offers some character background.
"Let's review the facts. In 2005, Dick Cheney, vice president of the United States of America, told a senator, elected by you, the taxpayers, to go screw himself. Hell, I'm even embarrassed to say the real phrase right here in front of you - that's how insulting and disrespectful his words are."
She continues, "Now here we are, months later and Dick Cheney shoots a high-ranking Washington, D.C., lawyer in the face. First we hear that the man was shot in the face. Then we hear that the man had a heart attack while in intensive care at a Corpus Christi hospital. The question I would like to pose to you, ladies and gentleman of the jury, is this: Should this man be allowed to walk the streets? At what point do you, the American people, decide that enough is enough?"
Her statement completed, she takes her seat while Democrats, Republicans, undecideds and independents alike watch from the sidelines.
Then the optimism of the prosecuting attorney, who thought she had a ghost of a chance at achieving this elusive thing called justice, disappears the minute the expensive defense attorney opens his mouth. The winks between defendant, judge and jury fly across the courtroom and a smile as big as Texas takes over the fat cat defense attorney's face.
Sigh - I can't even win in my imagination.
I peek out my window, half expecting to see men in white suits with a nice little straightjacket coming to take me away, but instead I see only the neighbor's cat. Thankfully, there are no people in white suits knocking on my door yet.
But I'm sure it's only a matter of time, in a society where the insane are sane - a society that allows its vice president to get away with assault with a deadly weapon, or worse.
