by Steven Fernandez
Daily Lobo
At first, I wasn't sure if I could handle another 162-game Major League Baseball season.
But just as I started having brain spasms, I realized there are many intriguing subplots in the 2006 season. Here are five of my favorite:
5. The Boston Red Sox - I want to see if any of the players have a seizure in the dugout as a direct result of the stench. Yeah, they're my favorite team, but the Red Sox have to be the smelliest team in the league. They don't cut their hair, and it sure seems like most of the players have never fully understood the concept of a shower. Unfortunately, because Pedro Martinez, Derek Lowe and Johnny Damon decided to skip town for a few more Benjamins, I fear Boston may reek just as bad on the field this season.
Get content from The Daily Lobo delivered to your inbox
4. Ken Griffey Jr. - Dude is a future Hall of Famer with 536 home runs, but he is also the Grant Hill of baseball. Or is it the other way around? Either way, it seems inevitable that poor Griffey will suffer some freak, season-ending injury on a routine fly ball. I root for the guy, but he's had more surgery than Pamela Anderson and seems to be made of porcelain.
3. The New York Yankees lineup - I can't believe I'm admitting this, but that offense is deadly. Is it even legal to have that much talent on one offense? All-Star lineups don't make pitchers want to soil themselves as bad as the Yankees' bats will. Every offensive record in baseball history is sure to be obliterated. And if they disappoint, that's just more reason to be giddy.
2. The New York Yankees pitching - The reason I don't feel guilty about giving the Evil Empire some props is because of the sure outcome of the season: a loss in the playoffs. Their offense will no doubt carry them to the postseason, but even New York fans know pitching wins championships. New York's top two starters, Randy Johnson and Mike Mussina, are a combined 80 years old, no kidding. If you are a Yankee fan, how does that not make you shake in your pinstripes? The Big Unit is a few 100 mph fastballs away from throwing out his hip or having his entire left arm detach from his body and land somewhere in the third row.
1. Barry Bonds - Bonds came into 2006 just six home runs shy of passing Babe Ruth for second on the all-time list. He also has a media magnifying glass on him because of steroid allegations. Oh, and of course, he has a new reality show, talked about jumping off a building and showed up to a spring training game dressed like Paula Abdul. Why? He's building an insanity case for when he gets convicted of taking steroids and perjury. I'm serious. Don't be surprised when he hits the homer to pass Ruth, rounds the bases, and starts humping the home plate umpire just to confuse everyone. I'm not falling for it, Barry.
Aside from those story lines, it will be interesting to see who comes out on top this season. In the National League, the freakishly talented Albert Pujols will lead the St. Louis Cardinals to their second World Series appearance in three years. In the American League, the Chicago White Sox will send home the Yankees in the playoffs, leaving Alex Rodriguez whimpering as he drags himself off the field. The Cardinals will edge the White Sox in a breathtaking seven-game series, bringing the title back to St. Louis.
Meanwhile, hopefully someone will buy Manny Ramirez a bottle of shampoo.
