by Peggy Spencer
Daily Lobo columnist
Dear Dr. Peg,
Recently, my girlfriend was diagnosed with vaginal herpes type 1 that I've given her orally. We are pretty good kids and haven't kissed too many other people. But my question is, seeing how it can pretty much be assumed I've transmitted the disease to her, is there any danger in me continuing to perform oral sex on her? If I already have it, and we know that, between the two of us, all we have is herpes type 1, is there still a danger?
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Dear Kisser,
This is a great question, because it brings up two issues: virus spread and herpes in relationships. I'll address them one at a time. In an earlier column, I explained that there are two types of herpes simplex viruses, type 1 and type 2. Usually type 1 lives on the face and type 2 lives on the genitals. However, as you and your girlfriend illustrate, herpes viruses are flexible and can take up residence in either location.
I'm not sure exactly what you mean by danger, but I'm guessing you are referring to contagion. As it stands now, you have oral herpes and she has genital herpes, both type 1. You have already passed the virus to her genitals, so continuing to perform oral sex on her won't do anything except make her happy.
It is possible, but unlikely, that she could now develop oral lesions or that you could develop genital lesions. Once you have one established herpes site on your body, it's rare to develop another - probably because your immune system makes antibodies to the virus. Also, now that you have type 1, you are less likely to catch type 2. There appears to be some cross-protection in the antibodies that are formed. Finally, people with type 1 tend to have fewer recurrent outbreaks than those with type 2. So, you could even consider yourself lucky.
The second issue this brings up is how to handle herpes as a couple. What do you do if one of you has it and the other doesn't? How do you talk about this with a prospective partner?
The couples I've known who deal with herpes in the healthiest way are those who tell me, "We have herpes." In other words, they see it as a shared problem. They don't expend a lot of energy trying to prevent passing it to each other or let it put a crimp in their sex life. Their love for each other, and their desire to express that love sexually, overrides their worry about contagion.
I'm not suggesting you blithely rub your open sores all over each other. It still makes sense to avoid contact with open sores, for comfort's sake if nothing else. I'm just pointing out that, for the sake of your relationship, it makes sense not to obsess about it. And medically speaking, herpes is very rarely a big deal.
If you have herpes and are in a new relationship, I think it's only fair to inform your prospective partner before you have sex. Ideally, you'll be close enough emotionally by that time that you can talk freely about such things and figure out how you as a couple want to handle the situation. I realize this isn't always easy. Our society still has lots of judgment and stigma around sex-related topics of any kind, and having a sexually transmitted infection can be emotionally upsetting. If you need help, the medical practitioners and counselors at the Student Health Center would be happy to meet with you and your partner to answer questions and help you discuss it together. Call 277-3136 for an appointment.
Peggy Spencer has been a UNM student health physician for 16 years. E-mail your questions to her directly at Pspencer@unm.edu. All questions will be considered, and all questioners will remain anonymous. This column has general health information only and cannot replace a visit to a health provider.
