The modern musical takes yet another hit in the form of "Mamma Mia!" - a hideous adaptation of the wildly successful Abba-inspired stage show about a bride-to-be on a Greek island trying to work out which of three men knocked up her "reckless little slut" of a mother 20 years earlier.
The original stage musical has been seen by 30 million people worldwide since opening in 1999, and movie producers realized if even a fraction of the audience turns out, they'll be raking in millions. In fact, ever since "Chicago" took home all those Oscars in 2003, Hollywood has employed the same basic technique when adapting stage shows to the silver screen, and as long as the songs are the same, no one really cares.
The best thing that can be said about "Mamma Mia!" is that it's a credit-crunch-friendly way to experience the jukebox musical for a fraction of the price of a Broadway ticket. As a film, its story, performances and basic continuity are horrendous. As a musical, it's even worse: There is no lightness to the touch, no graceful choreography and no structure to the comedy.
The musical also lacks a real leading lady to light up the silver screen. Of course, "Mamma Mia!" has a cast of recognizable names - most notably Meryl Streep, who is considered acting royalty. But Streep's singing and dancing is above par, at best.
And Streep is actually the best singer in the film. The other performances range from somewhat OK (Amanda Seyfried, who plays Streep's daughter Sophie) to endearingly bad (Colin Firth and Stellan Skarsgard) to take-them-outside-and-whack-them-with-a-baseball-bat horrible (Pierce Brosnan). Such mediocre musical skills make the film seem like a karaoke contest or a drunk wedding singer belting out off-pitch tunes after one too many cocktails.
Unless, of course, you are one of a scary number of people who consider Abba to be pop perfection. In which case, there's probably no talking to you, especially since "Mamma Mia!" comes on like a piece of televangelism, serving up a relentless avalanche of Abba anthems and hysterically pitched performances that will more than likely whip true believers into such gooey-eyed giggliness that they won't see how utterly insane it all looks to anyone who doesn't think "Dancing Queen" is the best song ever written.
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It's not helped by the complete absence of cinematic flair the director, Phyllida Lloyd, brings to proceedings. Her ill-judged compositions and boring use of the film's Greek locations further expose the film's song-linking story for the pile of garbage it really is.
The confetti-thin plot floats along as Donna (Streep), a '70s rocker chick turned single mom, watches her daughter, Sophie (Seyfried), walk down the aisle. Only the bride also invited her three possible dads (Brosnan, Firth and Skarsgard) to the wedding. But the real guests of honor are the Swedish pop hits that hold this singalong together.
Naturally, each plot point serves up an overly literal link for another Abba hit, which makes for a clunky narrative and never once makes a case for why Abba's songs are so popular.
A modern musical should infect our daily lives and lift us out of the drudgery. It should weave music seamlessly into the fabric of the story - not make it seem like an inconvenient afterthought.
"Mamma Mia!" exists purely because the songs exist and someone wanted to generate some more cash from them. The last thing it leaves you feeling is thankful for the music.
"Mamma Mia!"
Grade: D+
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