That column I wrote a couple weeks ago in which I proudly proclaimed "America will finally - after waiting nearly 14 years - witness America's Team win its first Super Bowl since 1995" is starting to develop nicely.
I'd call it a prophecy, but last time I did that, well, prophecy kind of faltered. Instead, let's just call it destiny. The Cowboys are destined to win the Super Bowl.
How could they not be?
Just look at the AFC East for confirmation. Suddenly, without Terrific Tom in the lineup, the Brady-iots are the Patriots. I cannot understand why all the pundits on ESPN continue to spit the broken logic that somehow Bill Belichick will masterfully guide the Pats into the playoffs.
At this point, I will take the remainder of my time and space to rant about how much I hate Belichick.
Can we please stop kissing Belichick's feet like he's some sort of savior? In my opinion - and I'm not going to back it up with anything factual because I don't have anything - he isn't even worthy of being called a coach. You want to see a real coach in action? Check out my main man Wade Phillips.
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See, Belichick has a fascist, no-fun, sacrifice-for-the-good-of-the-team philosophy. He's dry and boring, not to mention a cheater. Phillips, on the other hand, is a humble, genuine, fun coach. Yeah, he still has yet to win a playoff game, which, by the way, will happen this year (go back up to the line about destiny). But I love his attitude.
Take for example the way he reacted when Terrell Owens did his Usain Bolt impersonation last week after scoring a touchdown against the Cleveland Browns. T.O. was flagged for excessive celebration.
Did Phillips get angry? Nope.
"I'm a little like (T.O.) is - I don't know why they won't let you have fun," he said. "He wasn't making fun of anybody. It wasn't an outlandish display of taunting the other team."
To me, this is the type of quote that determines if you are truly a great coach. Well, championships, as well, but let's just put it this way: If Belichick was our coach, I don't know if I'd be a Cowboy fan.
That's saying a lot, especially since for anybody who knows me personally, they know I am as Cowboy as Bill Simmons is Celtic.
I'm so pro-Cowboy I would back up T.O. if he killed somebody and fled town in a white Ford Bronco while being chased by police. I would use my lowly three-figure student salary to provide "Pacman" Jones with the a night on the town in Albuquerque. I'd fetch Cowboys columnist Mickey Spagnola coffee every morning if it meant I could get a glimpse of Tony Romo. I'd be the first one to support Patrick Crayton if he went all Ron Artest platinum aspiration on us and go buy 30 copies of his debut album. I'd risk my bachelorhood and commit to marrying a Cowboy cheerleader if it meant I could get season tickets for life at the 50-yard line. And if Jerry Jones ever went crazy on us and decided to hire Belichick, I'd pull some Tonya Harding-crazed-hitman rampage and bust Belichick below the knee.
The name Belichick will be taboo in the book that I plan to write sometime in the future. Hey, I know: I'll write a best seller dedicated to bashing little Belly-Boy. Here's a limited preview of the first chapter:
With Belichick, it's all about winning, winning and winning. He doesn't have fun unless he wins. Funny thing is, I had a hell of a lot of fun watching his sourpuss face disgracefully strut off the field after New England lost to the Giants in last year's Super Bowl.
And last week, when Tom Brady suffered a blow to his knee, I tuned in to ESPN to see what miraculous message Belichick would address his players with: "When one guy goes down, another one must step up." This ode to glory, this Pulitzer Prize-winning speech was preceded by ESPN analyst Trent Dilfer telling us how New England and Belichick will "find a way to deliver the baby." Wow, after hearing Belichick's words I might just become a head coach in the NFL. If "when one guy goes down, another one must step up" is the type of rhetoric that gets a pro team pumped, hell, I have a way with words. Maybe I could be a coach, too.
All I know is, to tear a chapter from Alan Jackson's country playbook, reword it and make it my own: "It's all right to be a Dallas Cowboy!"
Hold the autographs.
Tune in next week for my Eagle-bashing column. Wait, I have Donovan McNabb on my fantasy team. Dang it! Oh well, open season on Brian Westbrook.
