Editor,
One of my most painful, hazy early childhood memories makes me especially aware of how violent I, or anyone else, can be.
I was about 5 years old and in the midst of a temper tantrum when I went to the pantry in our Illinois farm home, and I got a large butcher's knife to frighten, threaten or harm my mother.
I am glad she did not curse me, beat me or spank me afterward, but I wish she had taken my rage more seriously. I wish she had held me firmly in her arms assuring me of her love for me and her understanding my anger, while at the same time controlling my violent impulse, holding me tight until my rage passed, whether for 15 minutes or three hours, not hitting me and not allowing me to injure her.
One of our worst fears is not being able to control our violent impulses, especially toward our closest loved ones. This memory has haunted me, hounded me and humbled me down through the years.
None of us is immune to killing someone, even a longtime loved one, in a moment of insane rage. If anyone could have told Judge Gerald Cole years ago in his Albuquerque court room that he would kill his wife and himself on Aug. 13, 2005, how could he have believed it?
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We all are capable of terrifying violence. Because I know that about myself and because I aim to live nonviolently toward all people, I refuse to own a gun or drink booze. I refuse to poison my mind with movies, books, music and TV programs, which glamorize murder, rape, jealousy, revenge, addiction to money, unnecessary possessions and war. I refuse to make it easier for me to commit the violence I abhor.
Don Schrader
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