I think we should talk about sex.
Instead of sweeping it under the rug and frowning upon its discussion, sex should be about communication, education and safety. Making a moral judgment about sex is up to the individual.
My desired field of study is sexology, so this column will be a learning experience for myself as well as readers. Everything in this column is based on information from sex education classes in high school, a Psychology of Human Sexuality course at UNM, online research and the best teacher of all: experience.
As we dive into this topic, let’s start with what will hopefully be the end of that most wily subject — the orgasm.
Orgasm is not the same across the gender board. From a woman’s perspective, there are subtle things you can do to help us come.
Foreplay is essential. Stimulating the erogenous zones — such as the breasts, nipples, neck and lips — help the brain release dopamine and help us get into the mood. Also, good kissing can get you a long way. Take your time with foreplay because it will be to your benefit in the end. An interesting piece of anatomical information I discovered while in my psychology of human sexuality class was that the outer third of the vagina (the opening especially) has nearly 90 percent of the vaginal nerve endings, which means it is more sensitive than the inner walls.
As my Psychology of Human Sexuality professor Jennifer Jones said, “The clitoris is a fickle little beast.” I think that’s an accurate way to sum it up. There is no “right way” to stimulate the clitoris, but I will say from experience that a woman-on-top position allows for good stimulation of the labia and clitoris, especially if your partner is in a sitting position.
The female orgasm can be an erratic event. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve “faked it” (sorry guys). Looking back on it, there was even a time or two when I didn’t know I had come, I just knew that sex felt extra good that time, but that topic is for another day. So, it’s important for women to learn what an orgasm is and what it feels like. According to Paula Hall, a contributor to the BBC and an accredited sexual and relationship psychotherapist, 75 percent of women don’t have an orgasm during intercourse, and 25 percent of women never have an orgasm in their lifetime. That’s a sad statistic from where I’m sitting, so speak up and ask questions.
Another common misconception is that men should be the ones to make the orgasm happen. While this is partially true, it’s also up to the woman to make sure she feels relaxed, emotionally comfortable and open to sensation.
The more comfortable a woman is with herself and her sexuality, the more rewarding sex will be.
There is a spot in women that, when stimulated correctly, will produce female ejaculation, similar to male ejaculation, and it can feel great for women. The exact location of the spot is different in every woman, so the best way to find it is to ask your partner what feels good while you’re exploring.
This edition of “Doing It in the Duke City” is supposed to help males and females. Partners can learn a lot they might not know simply by asking, but many are too shy to ask personal questions about human anatomy.
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And a note to all the ladies out there trying to have an orgasm but not making it there: “Practice makes perfect.” My advice is to go online or to a sex store in town and buy some fun toys. It may be intimidating at first, so do what I did: drag your roommates with you. By the time you leave they’ll be thanking you.
In my next column, I’ll talk about the male orgasm and male masturbation.
Doing it in the Duke City is written by a group of Daily Lobo columnists. Names of individuals mentioned in this column are changed to protect their privacy. What would you like to read in the Daily Lobo’s sex column? Got a question? Write in to suggestions@dailylobo.com.
