You decide if V-Day is about love or money
Dear Wooley,
Having read for a while, I figure you’d probably write something about love in regards to next week’s Valentine’s Day. I hate Valentine’s Day. It’s a corporate day of monetizing love.
It puts forth that there is one day for love and the other 364 don’t matter. It’s awful, but you know it’s true. How can you argue that Valentine’s Day isn’t a day of corporate greed and a time when couples are grossly romantic?
-Vexed by Valentine’s
Dear Vexed.
You’re certainly entitled to your opinion, but what a toxic perception to choose! Sure, people can make money selling nearly anything nowadays. Is it such a bad thing to boost the economy buying flowers for someone you care about?
Especially in economically hard times like this, Christmas, Valentine’s Day and plenty of other holidays help keep businesses from closing down. I have no problem giving my money to local florists and candy shops. They work hard to provide a good product in a competitive economy. Kudos to them!
That said, there are cheaper alternatives to purchases that “monetize love.” You could cook a romantic dinner for someone, write a song and attempt to sing it, leave love notes hidden in places your significant other can find throughout the day. You can give a long massage or surprise them on their lunch with a picnic. All of these things are cheap or free. Showing someone you care about them doesn’t have to cost any money, just vulnerability, time and devotion.
If it’s the ideology behind Valentine’s Day about romance and PDA that makes you sour, I think you’re probably just being a negative Nancy. In a time when war is abounding and the news is full of heartache and chaos, a day to tell someone you adore them seems just what we need.
If anything, I’ll agree with you—folks should express their admirations every day throughout the year, multiple times throughout the day. Unfortunately, popular American culture doesn’t embrace random flowers from a friend just because or an innocent compliment to a stranger such as, “Your smile just lit up the room.”
These small expressions can make someone’s day, but often are never shared.
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So here’s my proposal: This Valentine’s Day, if you have someone to whom your heart is devoted, let him or her know. Tell your friends that you care about them and you value them. Give your parents a call, too. Their love is often much more than we can fathom.
Love is defined in so many ways and has different contexts. Express it in some way to the people in your life for whom you’re grateful.
Best friend is a best bet for long term relationship
Dear Wooley,
With V-Day next week, I’ve got to ask. I’ve got two friends that I’m kind of crushing on. I’ve known one of them a long time, and the other is just … amazing.
My choice isn’t an issue of beauty or hotness. I’m crazy about both, but just in different ways. Still, I really want a relationship. Who do I “woo” when next Tuesday rolls around?
-Torn between Two
Dear Torn,
I had a friend explain her secret for being with someone for a long time. It was that her partner was her best friend. Stop and think about that for a second—her best friend. I find the idea of marrying your best friend to be wonderful.
You’re not talking about marriage, but dating, and the two are very different. Still, you should ask yourself what you want. If it’s a long-term relationship, and you are going to invest your energy and time, if you are going to share life with this person and be devoted to them, perhaps doing that with your best friend is the way to go. If you’re not looking for all that, define what you want and go after that.
Just don’t juggle two romantic relationships at once; it’s unfair to both the women.
Impermance doesn’t preclude love, friendship
Dear Wooley,
Is it right to date someone when you know you’re going to be gone in the end?
-Ramblin’ Man
Dear Ramblin’,
Sometimes life is like a road trip. You go to one place for a while and experience it there, then go somewhere else and enjoy that place. Maybe you don’t know where you’ll end up, but the memories and people you meet along the way are what makes the journey wonderful.
You ask, “Is it right?” and I understand the case of caution. If you know you’re going to leave, don’t hide that fact from the other person; that would be wrong.
Talk to them about how you feel and your perception of the circumstances. Listen to what they have to say. By laying everything out on the table, the transparency and mutual self-disclosure will allow both of you to make a decision about whether to pursue the relationship, even if it’s short-lived.
That said, don’t let the fear of one possible outcome keep you from another. A friendship rooted in getting to know each other in the short amount of time you have is making the most of your time, no?
Enjoy the time you have with those you want to spend it with. Anything could happen, anytime, anywhere. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Often we make all these plans, and then life happens. No one really knows where they’ll be in six months or even six weeks.
What you do honestly know is how you feel, your values, your heart, who you are and what your hopes and desires are.
If you can find someone who has those same hopes and desires, who loves you for you and all you are with the same amount of passion as you do them, golly, man … I think I’d give almost anything to have just a day with that person.
If you have questions and need answers, please send an email to Wooleysweeklywisdom@gmail.com He’ll be more than happy to answer any questions or concerns you might have. Be sure to check out his Facebook page, ask-ryan-wooley.
