As the northern hemisphere tilts toward the sun, bringing long spring evenings replete with floral perfume and avian symphonies, it can be hard to remember that inside some people, it is lonely, dark and cold. This season of birth and renewal is paradoxically a time when more people choose to end their own lives. Recent events have brought this home to us at UNM.
Almost every day, someone dies by their own hand in New Mexico. Nationwide, about every two hours someone between the ages of 15 and 24 takes his or her own life. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in college students and the most preventable form of death at any age.
As you well know, college is a time of high social and academic stress. Relationships end in heartache. Academic expectations are high. Students often don’t sleep enough, and sleep deprivation messes with your mind. Anxiety and depression affect many, and drinking and drug use are common. Put all those factors together in just the wrong way, and the result can be disastrous.
When you are very depressed, it feels like the eternal internal winter will never ease into spring. Life seems hopeless and meaningless, with no improvement in sight. Just getting out of bed in the morning takes a big effort, and doing the things you need to do can be impossible. Pleasure is a foreign concept. You can’t concentrate; you are irritable; nothing is fun.
You feel alone, distant from friends and family. It can be terribly painful, sometimes overwhelming. To a person in the depths of despair, suicide can seem like the only solution.
Shakespeare’s Hamlet expresses suicidal despondency with famous eloquence in his “to be, or not to be” speech. Hamlet ponders death by his own hand as a way “to end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to.” Unfortunately, as Phil Donahue observed, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
That is what is so sad about suicide. It leaves no options, no chance for change.
In life, nothing is permanent. Whatever is going on, it will change. It always does. It’s the nature of nature, of life and of human minds and relationships. With help, even the most hopeless can find hope. With time, every wound heals.
The other heartbreaking thing about suicide is that there is always more than one victim. Friends and family suffer collateral damage for the rest of their lives.
Most people who become suicidal will show signs of it before they take drastic action. They might seem depressed, angry, nervous, guilty or anxious. They might have just suffered a big bad event, such as a breakup or a death in the family. They might be drinking or using drugs more than usual. They might talk about how bad they feel, or even talk about wanting to die.
If you hear this, please take it seriously. A suicide threat or attempt often leads to a completed suicide and should never be taken lightly.
Once they have decided to end their life, the person might experience relief and seem suddenly calm or lighthearted after a period of being down. They might give away their precious belongings or make attempts to get their affairs in order, like making a will.
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If you think that someone you know might be suicidal, talk to them. More importantly, listen to them. Ask them how they are doing. Ask them if they are considering suicide. No, you will not put the idea in their head.
When someone is that depressed, the idea of suicide is already in their head. Talking about it will make it less likely to happen, not more. Don’t leave them alone. Walk them into SHAC Counseling Services or dial the Agora crisis number and put the phone in their hand.
If it is you who is despondent, please get help. Remember, nothing is permanent in life, as long as you are alive. Professional help really does help. Come in to Counseling Services at Student Health and Counseling or call 277-4537 for an appointment with one of our therapists. Or call Agora Crisis Center at 277-3013 or 1-866-HELP-1-NM (1-866-435-7166).
Peggy Spencer is a student-health physician. She is also the co-author of the book 50 ways to leave your 40s. Email your questions directly to her at pspencer@unm.edu. All questions will be considered anonymous, and all questioners will remain anonymous.
