What students say: “Mom, could you lend me some money for school supplies?”
What students mean: I spent all my money on Chinese food, pizza and alcohol when I was drunk. Now finals week is coming up and I need to read the three $80 textbooks my teacher asked me to buy in January. Please help me.
What students say: “My history class is going really well.”
What students mean: The class is at 9 a.m. on Friday, which means I’m usually hungover from a night at the Dirty Bourbon. I mostly miss class because I spend my Friday mornings passed out in my bed, having taken two aspirins and wiping the dried drool off my face. I can’t even remember what my teacher’s name is. Apart from that, it’s going really well.
What students say: “I am on my way. I am getting in my car as we speak.”
What students mean: I’ve spent the last three hours not getting ready for the party but sitting in bed eating Ben and Jerry’s and watching “Grey’s Anatomy” reruns. I’m contemplating the best excuse to give for not turning up. I might use “I have a huge paper due that has taken longer than I thought” or “I think I have food poisoning from that chicken dish.”
What students say: “I think I’m going to start going to the gym at least four days a week.”
What students mean: The weather is starting to get hot and I want a figure that doesn’t include my jeans digging into my sides. I should start running again; however, today I ran for the bus stop and almost passed out. I’ll probably just cut back on fast food.
What students say: “I take my laptop to my classes so I can take quick and accurate notes.”
What students mean: I have so many boring classes today that I need to access Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Buzzfeed at all times ... It’s the only way I can make it through the day.
What students say: “What percentage is this exam worth of my final grade?”
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What students mean: I’m trying to convince myself that I don’t need to study that much. If the exam is only worth 30 percent, that means I can spend all Saturday and Sunday on Netflix, right?
Sophie Earle is a columnist for the Daily Lobo. She can be reached at culture@dailylobo.com or on Twitter @DailyLobo.
