New Mexico poet Olivia Gatwood returned to her hometown of Albuquerque last Saturday, Aug. 24 at the Kimo Theater to read poems from her most recent publication, “Life of the Party.” It focuses on the intersection and nuances of being a woman and true crime as a genre.
“Life of the Party” is a three part book, but the underlying theme is both disturbing and undeniably truthful. Gatwood said that when she tours across the United States her listeners always comment on the dark, hot, heavy, mysterious air to it.
To which she says “That’s just Albuquerque.”
Although Gatwood’s poems have been shaped by all of her life experiences and people she knows, she said Albuquerque and her childhood here definitely had a long lasting impact on her writing.
“(This book) is about my relationship to fear and to true crime, which go hand in hand. While writing this book, I was investigating why I was obsessed with this genre that is focused on the murder of young girls and also why I was experiencing extreme fear at all times,” Gatwood said. “I was deciding if it was rational or it came from the media that was pummeled at me.”
Later that night, during her conversation with GiGi Bella, Gatwood confirmed that a lot of the time her fears were legitimate. This was because the murder of young girls is not at all uncommon, depsite the ways in which their murders are selectivley romanticized, she said.
“Instead of telling girls to stop being afraid, we should start teaching boys to be less scary,” Gatwood said.
One really important case she wrote and spoke about was the 13 West Mesa murders. She cited how these cases were “mishandled by the police,” and that many of these women were not even looked for, she said. It is no coincidence that they were women of color. If they had been white women someone would have paid attention, she said. She delves deep into this in her poem “BODY COUNT 13.”
Gatwood described true crime as “deeply flawed and deeply addicting.” True crime, she said, pretends to advocate for women’s rights and safety. Realistically, it is very selective about who is highlighted: Young, white cis-women are the ones portrayed. Usually the murderer is a man of color, or an illegal immigrant.
“So it feeds this white supremacist agenda. When in reality most women who are victims of homicide are killed by their partners. Trans women of color are more likely to be victims of homicide than any other group in this country,” Gatwood said.
Women of color and non-heterosexual women don’t have episodes of law and order devoted to them, and this is not a coincidence, she said. Gatwood’s work seeks to reimagine what justice looks like, and that is why, even though she said she is not super comfortable talking about the west mesa murders, she does it anyway.
“What does it actually look like to advocate for someone’s rights? What does it look like to really talk about why certain cases aren’t solved?” Gatwood said. “Chances are it’s pretty ugly and pretty difficult. I don’t know what we are supposed to do but I know what we are doing isn’t right. I think the way we are handling so many cases of missing girls and women isn’t right.”
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All poems written when Gatwood was young, were written here in Albuquerque. Vivid descriptions of growing up in a city that is both unsafe and sparse on activities fill her poems.
In her poem, “My Mother says I Wasn’t a Bad Girl, I was just Bored,” Gatwood describes her teen years in Albuquerque.
“I never hailed a ride on my own, never instigated the fight, never promised a man I was good and meant it. The bad girl calls her body what it is — the s*** — I called my body unfamiliar until it was looked at and then channeled everything I’d learned from the bad girl,” Gatwood said.
She went on to explain that she wanted to get to know the victims of murders in the way that she knows the real women and the “bad girls” in her life. To not just know that they were pretty and how they were murdered but to “learn her hobbies.”
Gatwood said she looked at the security footage and humanized the victim, applying personalities such as that “she loved to sing... I watch her move and breathe like the rest of us, I watch her look over her shoulder three times before walking out of view,” Gatwood writes.
Albuquerque poet GiGi Bella had the opportunity to have an extremely frank conversation with Gatwood. They discussed everything from attending therapy to the ways in which people’s fears are extremely valid.
Bella said she read her book as a woman of color who grew up in Albuquerque and it is important to acknowledge that because the book is shaped by Albuquerque the conversation happening that night was different than any conversations Gatwood would have during the rest of her tour.
Bella asked Gatwood about the ways in which the deep hardships found in Albuquerque. Gatwood told Bella that no matter what, through all the goods and the bads found here Albuquerque is real. She also described herself as protective and possessive of Albuquerque.
“I want what is real, not what feels good,” she said.
Not all of Gatwood’s poems are sad, not by any stretch. She highlighted the power that a writer has to talk about joy. She described joy as “radical” and that, though people will scrutinize experiences and writing, she has learned to be true to herself and “not give a f***,” except for that which deserves her attention and care.
“I hope that girls understand that their fear is not irrational. That your fear is probably actually the most honest thing that you have because it comes from your life. Anyone that tries to explain that your fear is paranoia, that person does not understand what is like to live in your body,” Gatwood said.
Gatwood said it is important to point readers and listeners in the right direction so that authors and artists who do have an experienced and appropriate voice can be heard. She makes a conscious effort to do that, she said.
In an interview with the Daily Lobo Gatwood shared her hopes for the way that we talk about and publisize the murder of young girls. She said she hoped that people would stop talking only about how pretty girls were and to stop romanticizing such a common and nuanced crime.
“Often, the media doesn't want to do better. But these are the ways that these issues can be dealt with in a more honest responsible way,” Gatwood said.
Life of the Party was published by Random House and is Gatwood’s second book.
Megan Holmen is the news editor at the Daily Lobo. She can be contacted at news@dailylobo.com or on Twitter at @megan_holmen.
