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Ask the Eds - relationship

Ask the Editors: Relationships edition

Burnt out with the dating scene? Ex won’t leave you alone? General relationship anxiety? Have no fear; the Daily Lobo editors are here to answer all of your most pressing questions on love and relationships.

Zara’s advice

Q: Is it okay not to have been in a relationship before being in college?

A: It’s more than fine to have not been in a relationship before college. There are a myriad of reasons someone wouldn’t want to date in high school, but at the end of the day, it’s your life. It’s important to respect your own boundaries, especially in regards to intimacy. I also didn’t date before college, and I would go as far as to say I’m glad I didn’t date any of the guys in my friend group in school; the emotional damage I was spared must surely be immense.

Sure, there may be something of a learning curve in navigating the dynamics of a romantic relationship, but that can be overcome with an understanding partner. Never feel bad about moving at your own pace.

Q: How would you start a conversation with a crush if you haven’t talked to them yet?

A: Get to know their interests. Conversation flows much more smoothly when you get people talking about the things they like; even better if you like them too. Music is always a good conversation starter.

I struggle to think of a single person who doesn’t enjoy it when other people think their passions are cool, so talk about something that you share some degree of real interest in. Of course, you shouldn’t be a total yes-man or be disingenuous — people can spot that kind of thing. Genuine mutual interest can also be an indicator of a real potential for bonding and maybe even a full-fledged relationship.

Shelby’s advice

Q: How do you keep a strong relationship while you both work and are in school?

A: Intention is everything. By having been in a long distance relationship with my partner while we both worked and were in school, I learned that intention completely makes the difference. Set aside specific times in your schedules for each other. Planning may not seem sexy, but it shows your partner how valuable their time is to you. Learn what each other’s love languages are and focus the time you do have on meeting those needs.

Most importantly, prioritize communication and listen to each other. If you don’t like what you’re spending your time on, tell them and work together to adjust accordingly. Don’t forget to let your partner know when things are working well too.

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Q: How do you get over an ex who crushed your heart?

A: The answer you probably don’t want to hear is that you likely won’t, not for a long time. Getting over an ex is not something that you can just be done with at the flip of a switch. That pang of hurt you feel in your chest when you see pictures of them online is a reminder that your relationship meant something. Be kind to yourself in this period of hurt and healing as you recover.

It’s important to remember that we are not defined by our previous relationships. That person and your perception of them shouldn’t have any influence over the beautiful and powerful person that you are growing into.

Joseph’s advice

Q: How do I start a queer relationship if I’ve never been in one before?

A: Your first queer relationship is a treasure. I recommend that you surround yourself with people who love and support you for who you are, and who you love in return. All queer relationships are beautiful, so have the courage to put yourself out there because you are worthy of this beautiful experience, even if it’s new.

Remember to be kind to yourself throughout this journey. It's new, exciting and can be intimidating. But don’t forget that the people you seek are in the same position as you — no one can better understand the queer experience than a fellow queer person.

Q: Is it okay if I’m not interested in anything serious right now?

A: Yes, of course it is. The most important relationship you have in life is the relationship with yourself. So much pressure is put onto us to dive headfirst into any relationship at the first possible chance. Instead, protect your time and your energy, be patient with yourself and trust your subconscious.

Something I do when I’m faced with similar questions is reverse it to help gain perspective and imagine the consequences. Trust yourself through this. If and when the time comes for you to approach something serious, you’ll know. For now, explore the nonserious and see what it has to offer to you. If your nonserious experience crashes and burns, it’s probably not a big deal.

Contrary to the sentiments of indie darling Rex Orange County, loving is not easy. However, we hope that our advice gives you some peace of mind and the courage to open your heart to a world of new possibilities in love.

Zara Roy is the news editor at the Daily Lobo. She can be contacted at or on Twitter @zarazzledazzle

Shelby Kleinhans is the multimedia editor at the Daily Lobo. She can be contacted at or on Twitter @BirdsNotReal99

Joseph McKee is the design director at the Daily Lobo. They can be contacted at or on Twitter @j_mckee_

These questions are a mix of outsider submissions and our own creations. Have a question? We want to answer it! Questions for the editors can be submitted to the Editor-in-Chief at Title any submissions "ASK THE EDITORS"

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