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Monday, December 22, 2014

#RelationshipStatus: 11 hot spots to find hot men at UNM

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@JoshuaDolin

It’s a new dawn, a new day and a new semester. And after evaluating the effort level that will need to be put into each of your classes, it is time to scan your classmates for some hotties.

Ashley and I even signed up for a weightlifting class this semester. Partly because we want to be healthy, but mostly because we are hoping there will be a lot of testosterone around us.

I spend a significant portion of my class time staring at secret lovers, and each semester brings a whole new batch of them for the next 16 weeks. But if you are new on campus or have had bad luck finding a boyfriend, my friends and I compiled a list of UNM’s hot spots to find hot men:

1. Johnson Gym

Seems obvious, right? Well don’t overlook the obvious. There are a lot of hot guys in there who lift things up and put them down in revealing clothing. The best time to check out the gun show is after 5 p.m. If you are looking for more “boyfriend material” guys, hit the gym in the morning hours because they are typically more responsible students.

2. The engineering building

This is the natural habitat for the rare “cute nerd” which is Aurora’s favorite type of guy. They spend most time indoors, but her advice is to walk by the building and catch one going to or from a class. BONUS: You know every engineering student is smart and going to do well in life.

3. Smith Plaza

Most students have to cross this area at some point so statistically speaking some of them have to be cute. WARNING: A lot of guys here are longboarders. Not only is that just plain annoying, but they could also run you over!

4. The Duck Pond

This is Ashley’s favorite place to look for hot men because, as she says, “There is something about warm weather and nature that brings guys out.” My advice is to get a smoothie and relax by the pond while smiling at passing boys.

5. The SUB

Just kidding! The only people that hang out in there are fraternities, sororities and the remaining two ASUNM members who are not in Greek life. You and I both know that you can do better.

6. The Anthropology building
Aurora gives the Anthropology department the award for having the most attractive faculty. Need an extra class? It’s not too late to sign up for one.

7. Zimmerman Library

Looking for a hot guy to take home to your parents? Here’s your spot. Go do some homework in the basement or the study room on the main floor. I once spent an entire semester staring at a guy while doing homework there. These guys are professional and care about their education, but don’t wait too long to make the first move. My advice: ask them if they know what time the library closes. It’s so stupid that it just might work!

8. The Architecture building

Looking for a hot hipster? Look no further.

9. Mitchell Hall

This is my personal favorite spot to people-watch with Ashley. You never know who could walk by. A potential husband, perhaps?

10. Anderson School of Management

Looking for a membership to a country club in 10 years? Or someone to do your taxes for you? This is probably your best shot. This school has some attractive and talented students, and they definitely know it. PROCEED WITH CAUTION: They are hot and many of them are nice, but beware of the infamous “Anderson Ego” which I think is a deal-breaker.

11. The Daily Lobo office

I work there, duh. Attention all boys: I’m single, at a point of low self-confidence and I’m easily won over with Starbucks.

So, make this semester exciting by finding a hot boyfriend. This is only the first week of class, so no claims to “spots” in each classroom are official yet. Have you noticed where that one hot guy usually sits? Go sit near him next week!

Once you have moved physically closer to a dream man, it is much easier to make the first move. First try to make eye-contact with him when the teacher says something funny or that one weird kid in your class raises their hand again. Many friendships and secret-lover relationships start that way.

If that does not work, ask him a question. The most obvious being, “Hey, did you do the reading last night?” Once you share a common lack of interest in your class, you have one thing in common and it is easier to find more.

Do not wait too long to talk to a secret lover, however. I approached one of mine last semester at Late Night Breakfast and asked him where he got his coffee. He responded with, “Umm… Satellite.” Needless to say, it didn’t work out.

Collette has given up on dating at UNM, but I don’t see any reason to since this campus is filled with attractive men. Follow these tips that my friends and I have provided and you just never know what can happen! So is this going to be another boring semester, or are you going to find some hot men at the #UNMHotSpots?

Did I miss a hot spot for hot men? Tweet me and let me know at @JoshuaDolin.

Current Relationship Statuses:
Josh: Looking for a new boyfriend this semester
Ashley: Looking for a hot man in her weightlifting class
Alice: Just moved to Florida, now in a LDR with Bill
Collette: Gave up on finding a man at UNM
Aurora: Always down for another Anthropology class
Maggie: Her bed is her favorite hot spot

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