'Family Guy' sucks and you don't even realize
Now I know a lot of you watch, and maybe even enjoy, the show “Family Guy,” but let me tell you — you are wrong.
First off, please note that this piece won’t address the issues commonly bashed on by the critics of the interwebs. I have no intent to pick apart the show’s lack of a story line, or that all its jokes are derived from cut away gags, forced musical numbers or needless repetitions. And why even address the show’s gross out humor that fails to gross people out. (Ugh that’s worse than trying to address a communist cow’s cud chewing problem).
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Do you see what I did there? See how I just cut away from my narrative for no reason? Do you see how I didn’t really bother to come up with anything original. Really, all I did was combine a bunch of words starting with “C” and hoped for the best. And in the “Family Guy” universe that would have worked just fine.
The frat stoner college boys, the middle school kids just getting into comedy, the senile and decrepit stuck on Fox because they no longer know how to use a remote, these people might burst into laughter at the sight of Peter fighting a giant chicken or clutching his knee and saying, “Ow,” a thousand times, or another masturbatory music number. But the rest of the populace should know better. The only thing grosser than this failing on the part of the public is a VHS copy of Girls Gone Wild: Gangrenous Goiters edition.
Really, I don’t even have a problem with the other shows on Fox. I love American Dad, another product of MacFarlane’s, and even liked Family Guy when it first began and in its first rebirth. The problem is the writers have become engorged with a sense of their own ego.
I digress, but it’s so hard to throw new hate at Family Guy at this point. Not because the show doesn’t lend itself to hate. I hate musicals. I hate cut-away gags even more than I hate the show’s attempts to be offensive. Sure, it’s offensive to everyone outside of the “Family Guy” demographic, but who the hell watches Family Guy outside of the undergraduate male demographic other than a couple of bored girlfriends? People who watch the show are thusly desensitized to all that “Family Guy” writing staff has to offer.
That means rape jokes, incest jokes, murder jokes, murder-incest-rape jokes and fecal jokes, don’t even shock or challenge the audience. Instead, the audience for Family Guy takes all these “offensive” jokes and tosses them continuously at the audience like a dog owner tosses pig ears.
That’s right. Consistent viewers of “Family Guy” are like junkyard dogs who don’t know any better. And it’s even worse than polar bears without nachos on Cinco de Mayo.
The point though is that all the hate’s been pretty thoroughly exhausted. Type in “Family Guy sucks” or “criticisms of Family Guy” or any thing along those lines and you’ll find more sites on the subject than pimples on a ‘roid-popping, ball-playing midget.
The question is why does the show continue to boast strong ratings. Why does it out-perform superior shows such as The Simpsons or American Dad for weeks at a time on Hulu? I want answers worse than a high school honors student balancing a crack addiction while taking the SAT in Chinese.
Is that bothering you yet? Because it’s driving me insane.
Consider the most recent episode, of which I only made it through the first commercial break. There are eight interchangeable jokes or cut-away gags, such as a British person capturing a rogue butterfly or a pair of oddly place immigrants speaking in broken English about phone cards. There’s also an extended number where Peter skates around in a Tron-like costume and then throws his helmet on the ground before wandering off like a child. Does this sound funny to you?
For your pleasure, I’ve constructed a list of things probably funnier and better to do than watching Family Guy for a half an hour:
Watching linoleum curl — the subtle nature of the curling floor will leave in you in rows of laughter for days, and when it starts to crackle you’ll be sure to cackle. Zing!
Enlightenment, because you’ll be able to chuckle softly at the mere mortals beneath you.
Watching a Lars von Trier film because if you’re going to see rape, murder and fecal matter you might as well see it in full detail.
The episodes rely on the same shock that’s no longer shocking. It brings about the one time character that should have been left in the past long ago. Family Guy is a show that’s not even trying anymore, and for this reason I feel it would be most appropriate if it took all dead on arrival gags, flimsy stories and characters and awful animation and just stopped.
I know I don’t have to watch it. I don’t watch it, but I cringe when I see a great crime being committed against my fellow man. I must intervene. Family Guy please stop. Just try to make a good show instead of resting on your comedic haunches, like a fat guy running up stairs at the Eiffel Tower.
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by Post American
You suck..
Flag for moderationby Udy
What post american said.
Flag for moderationby Joby
Good job Post American and Udy.
Those are exactly the quality of rebuttals I would expect from Family Guy fans.
Try a little harder next time, guys.
Flag for moderationby Heba
I loved it
Flag for moderationby Koenig
I’m not a frat stoner college boy, a middle school kid or senile and decrepit. I’m not in the undergraduate male demographic. I most certainly am not like a junkyard dog that doesn’t know any better. So lay off the condescension there, Chet. You obviously no longer like Family Guy and you wrote that you don’t watch it. So why would you go through the trouble of writing an Op/Ed piece and publishing it? Leave it alone. Difference of opinion is a great thing. I don’t enjoy Anime, but I’m not about to rag on everyone that does. Why let something so absolutely trivial aggravate you so much? By the way, everything you wrote you would not pick apart in the second paragraph is precisely what your entire article was about.
Flag for moderationby Bon
Family Guy is a satirical stab at pop culture. If you can’t grasp satire, then you won’t understand the show.
Flag for moderationby Steve
..and I had talentless writers who have the unfortunate luxury of spewing their skewed and lame opinions of a comedy show that can’t comprehend. Therefore you, Chris Quintana, suck worse than you say the does does. And no, Family Guy, DON’T stop. How sbout YOU stop your worthless hack writing Quintana?? The world would be a far better place. Family Guy= linoleum curling? Your incredibly lame attempt at expressing an opinion= linoleum curling…and wall paper and wood paneling. D i c k.
Flag for moderationby Katie
Grasping satire is one thing, I know satire and Family Guy is not satire. At least it keeps people of low intelligence off the streets at night. It does a public service by acting as a lure to sedate nut cases.
Flag for moderationby Drew
The fact that someone who claims to hate this show so much can still manage to point out so many SPECIFIC faults with it seems to indicate that you have spent quite a long time watching it. It seems that you may be one of “The frat stoner college boys, the middle school kids just getting into comedy, the senile and decrepit stuck on Fox because they no longer know how to use a remote”.
p.s. What post american said.
Flag for moderationby Diego Montoya
Que Viva Los Simpsons!
Flag for moderationby David Luna
I like Family Guy. It’s not always funny, some of the musical numbers don’t work, and some of the gags are just stupid. It’s not a perfect show, but it certainly is a funny show. Mr. Quintana, you say that the Family Guy doesn’t “challenge” its audience. I disagree. Family Guy forces us to consider what we can laugh at. It takes taboo topics and forces us to look at them in new ways. Doing this always involves risk and courage on the part of artists (yes it is art) and because of this, I think that Family Guy, while not being a particularly cerebral show, is an important show. On their face shows like the Family Guy (and I don’t know how you can like American Dad and not FG, it’s the same show!), musicians like Marilyn Manson, and visual artists like Andres Serrano seem to only want to shock us. But if you “unpacked” their creations it becomes very clear that what they’re trying to do is to force us to rethink what we consider to be funny or pleasing visually or otherwise. Family Guy does this well. But I guess you’d rather laugh at a show that features an alcoholic father routinely chokes his son.
Flag for moderationby Ron
Hey Chris, you should write an article about how much it sucks being a lame columnist for the lobo like yourself. Instead of trying to sound smart by bashing something that’s actually smarter and more clever than you and your ego, you should resign from your post and write rolls of toilet paper while crying on the crapper. So quit feeding us your point-of-view slurry and write something meaningful for once. Regardz
Flag for moderationby Taste & Decency
What a weirdly tiresome article. Your point can be covered in one or two sentences but you drivel on and on pointlessley. Furthermore, you sound jealous of someone others’ success so thast it manifests in bitterness.
With writing talent like that it’s little wonder you’re writing for an obscure webzine that nobody has heard of.
Funnily enough, I stumbled across this page via Google News whilst researching offensive jokes.
God, and to think I’m worried about writing a blog because my writing talent might not be of a good enough standard!
Flag for moderationby Rahxe
I find it quite interesting that not only do you drivel on, but you mention other shows that have the same problems, yet you watch those.
Flag for moderationIf is such an eyesore, then simply turn off the TV, stop watching Hulu, and go drink your coffee at winnings. Maybe then you will succeed at your poor attempt of being a pretentious ass.
by Kedrick James
yeah, I hate Family Guy too. I used to like it but the repetition is just what got me. In a 23 minute episode, 4 minutes is spent with peter saying ow. Show sucks.
Flag for moderationby DCNative
Most of your points (cutaways, narrative ADD) have all been addressed, almost identically, in an episode of South Park (which I would bet you are already familiar with). Lets be honest: The Simpsons hasn’t been funny in 10 years and American Dad? Really? I haven’t laughed, nor appreciated the intellectual depth of The Simpsons since the sixth season (culminated by the Stonecutter’s episode, a send up of the Freemasons with references to the Last Emperor); that was a long, long time ago friend.
p.s. What post american said.
Flag for moderationby Wang
absolutely agree. family guy sucks major balls nowadays. earlier seasons were excellent. from 1-5. everything after is just stuff swimming around in a toilet.
Flag for moderationby Victor
How about all you guys, just stand still for a minute and realise that all that’s neccesery is to grow a dick?.
Flag for moderationFamily guy is a TV-SHOW, TV-SHOWS aren’t made to be good, talented, original or whatever.That’s what Art-movies are for pussies. Family guy is a great income for Fox, Adult Swim, and Comedy central, it’s funny for some, less funny for others.
The baseline is that they earn their money by making a show funny enough for most people to watch, not to please the 0.1% of critics.
by Leon
So, why not criticize how horrible it was drawn as well…..
Flag for moderationby Michael
Couple things I want to say –
First of all, your statement that there is no original material in any of the newer family guy episodes is either really well disguised in the show or just some ol’ bullshit. Personally, I think it’s the second.
Also, you seem to have just as little reason to dislike the jokes as I have to like them, so if you are accusing me of being a junkyard dog, you should look into some self-criticism methods.
Flag for moderationby Kevin Marroon
Chris, you are a hack. You need to get out of the gutter, put on some clean clothes, and lay off the dick. Because your never going to poke around anybodies vagina if you keep up this act.
Take off the gay sweat shorts and get out of the showers. There are no good articles in the men’s restroom. You can’t peek over the shower curtains and hope that someone will mention a good article. “Oh look, the guys are talking about Family guy. I bet if I write about that—then they’ll like me for sure!”
Seriously, there’s fiscal reform and Korean War II about to go down. Get some real work done.
Flag for moderationby qwerty
Dudebros sure do get defensive when somebody cuts off the steady stream of sunshine they get blown up their tuchuses, don’t they.
The Three Stooges are overrated! ha ha!
Flag for moderationby Bob_al_Obbalobb
I agree with your assessment. Family Guy was at one point funny to me, but somewhere around these last two seasons things went south. Some of the jokes are based on references so obscure they put dennis miller to shame. There’s no payoff in any of the shock humor either. And if I see that !@#$ing bathtub fall out of cleveland’s house again I’m gonna start printing hatemail.
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