Students: Imagine the ability to unwind after a nerve-racking exam. Imagine meeting for a study group, a pen in one hand and a frothy beer in the other.
Staff: Imagine sneaking away during lunch and nipping some schnapps, easing the doldrums of filing papers and answering phones.
Professors: Imagine being able to smugly sip a vodka martini (during your office hours, even) mixed so well that the student hounding you to change her grade from an A- to an A becomes less annoying.
UNM, it’s about time you had your own bar!
But before you discard the idea of an on-campus bar, remember that Prohibition’s over, so there’s no reason not to at least explore the idea.
There are a number of schools in the United States and Canada (Clemson University, Concordia, Montreal) that have campus bars. In the ‘70s, campus bars were as common as discos.
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At the modern university, it’s acceptable for students and educators to be friends. Yet UNM currently has no common stomping ground where students and professors can meet, chat, and get to know one another in an environment free from the master-slave relationship. Those blinding neon cardboard boxes (a.k.a. offices) are about as cozy as a dentist’s operating room. We demand comfortable environs in which personal and academic matters can be discussed. Give us ambiance!
In failing to encourage contact outside of the classroom, in failing to suitably create an on-campus hangout that draws more than one demographic, UNM is limiting the college experience for many students. Actualizing a site where student, faculty and staff can enjoy a recreational drink together ensures improved campus relations. The age of Puritanism is over; we don’t burn witches but we drink beer, so let us do it together and between classes.
But student-employee relations are not the only benefit of a campus bar.
As it currently stands, UNM dormitories are completely dry. The consumption of alcohol, except when it comes in the form of mouthwash, is prohibited in the residence halls. This leaves people who enjoy a glass of wine after a meal or a cocktail while they mull over some differential equations with two options: 1) go out to a bar and risk a DWI or 2) drink in the dorms and risk being put on probation.
The frequency of both of these dilemmas would be greatly reduced if an on-campus alcohol-serving establishment were created. Employees of Housing (Resident Advisors and Area Coordinators) would have fewer alcohol related confrontations eating up their time if people knew of a suitable alternative to drinking in the dorms. Plus, if people can merely trek five minutes across campus back to their dorm rooms that means fewer drunk drivers plowing through trashcans, which is good.
But wait! The best reason has yet to come.
Bars make oodles of money! And, naturally, the profits from an on-campus tavern would be the sole property of UNM. The Board of Regents could respectively allocate funds from the UNM bar to struggling departments, construction projects, or wherever they see fit.
The possibilities are infinite. Revenues could be used to better campus life; proceeds could go, in part, to charities (conscientious drinkers might feel better about themselves knowing that money they spend at the UNM bar will go to Food Not Bombs or Save the Millionaires rather than the pocket of some greasy disco king club owner) or used to lower bookstore prices and improve campus safety by installing more night-lighting and 911-call boxes.
For business majors, the tavern offers the largest utilitarian benefit. The bar could be a place to acquire real world wheeling and dealing skills.
Instead of doing internships off-campus and getting an unfulfilling job with no recognition and no responsibility, hand picked students from Anderson could be given the opportunity to get business experience while by running an on-campus business. If the bar was almost entirely student run (adequate supervision from deans and departmental chairs a must), Anderson students would come away with not only an MBA but also first hand experiences in running a business, hiring processes, taxes, inventory, etc.
Of course precautionary measures must be taken to ensure that no one person can ruin it for everyone else. Alcohol would not be sold before noon. Only beer and mixed drinks would be available for purchase, never straight shots. And in order to keep out underage drinkers, driver’s licenses would be checked and Lobo ID cards would be swiped, verifying that the student was of age.
One need only look at the handful of American, Canadian, and European universities to see that an on-campus bar is not the potential liver hazard some might make it out to be. UNM consistently issues a report bragging that the large majority of UNM students abstain from drinking or have only few drinks per week. This report proudly declares that binge drinkers are in the extreme minority. If the findings are correct, then an on-campus bar would pose no real threat; the proximity of the tavern is not likely to induce any one person to become a binge drinker or to abuse alcohol. And if people get out of hand, boot ‘em out.
So what’ll it be? The Lobo Tavern? Happy Hour Howl? Or the University Brew Pub? Any name will do.
Send kamikazes and Irish car bombs to erichow@unm.edu
