Column: Men don't love like women do

by Anya Henry

Daily Lobo Columnist

Just like Aretha said, "Ain't no way for me to love you if you won't let me."

Why are men so afraid of being loved? And what is it that made them afraid to begin with? Was it society that taught them that love is actually a bad thing?

I don't put it past society - it's taught people that war and killing is OK - even of the innocent people (as long as they're foreign innocents). I don't know where men got it, but I do know it's pretty frustrating. Especially since women have this enormous drive inside us to be loved, to feel loved and to love someone else in return.

So, why then does it have to be so complicated? And why is it that women are always the ones who are accused of having low self-esteem? I'm no psychology major, but it seems to me that if anyone, it would be the men who would get this reputation since they're the ones who are refusing love. Do they secretly think they don't deserve it? Or do they just have some freakish complex triggered by something that happened to them during childhood that resulted in this odd predicament? Either way, it doesn't seem normal.

Then again, what do I know? I'm just a foolish woman who wants to love someone and to be loved. Seriously though? Forget the cowboys, where have all the evolved males gone? Or did they ever exist to begin with? What a dilemma. And above this is the dilemma of how one goes about finding a male and/or teaching a male to be evolved - and can one even accomplish the latter? It has been said time and time again, no matter what we women want to believe, "you can't change a man." But that sucks. So considering this philosophy, what do women do?

I refuse to settle for the notion that we are to just "accept" the way men are because we deserve to have our needs met and to be with someone who knows how to meet them. So are we just supposed to give up on love? That's kind of a sad thought, though I'm not sure what else the alternative would otherwise be. Obnoxious psychologists would suggest we love ourselves more and that would just solve everything.

While I do believe it necessary to love one's self to one's utmost ability, I also believe that it is in human nature - or perhaps just women's nature - to love another. I'd say my confidence is pretty decent; I am pleased and satisfied with who I am, but it just seems as though there's something missing. Or maybe love is over-rated anyway. Maybe society created love, I don't know. What do you think?