Do not fear Lobo fans, I'm here to dispel the myth that women's basketball is just like men's played underwater.
Speaking of which, Phil is fresh off a trip to NCAA headquarters to debate Title IX. He was escorted by security off the premises after marching back and forth wearing a snorkel and a pair of, as he calls them, "cute" Speedos while holding a sign that read, "If I wanted synchronized swimming, I'd watch the Olympics."
My case in point: The UNM women's basketball team.
While the men's team can dunk - ladi-freaking-da - the women play like a team. Nifty passes are zipped to teammates whose names - get this - they actually know.
All right, all right, I know that's a bit harsh. But look at the men's team: Three of its starters are playing on their second or more college team.
Kris Collins, the starting point guard, has more frequent flyer miles than most stewardesses. This is his fourth school. Oh yeah, and he's only a junior.
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The women's team, on the other hand, looks like a case study in horticulture.
The two leaders on the team, seniors Mandi Moore and Lindsey Arndt, have been around since the 20th century. Head coach Don Flanagan cultivated their talent and turned them into some of the best players - men's or women's - to ever play at The Pit.
Moore leaves games looking like she just spent time painting in blue and black with a preschool class. Talk about someone who adopts my "Ball till you fall" mantra, Moore throws elbows, barks at opponents and outhustles everyone on the court.
Arndt is more the quiet type, letting her ability to turn The Pit atmosphere into an April shower when she rains on any team that comes there do the talking. She'll post you up, drop it like it's hot from outside, or rebound over you and then gracefully place the ball in the hoop as if she were handing it a Christmas present.
Then there's Fatima Maddox. Arguably the most exciting thing to hit this campus since this year's sports section, there's not a player I've seen who is harder to guard. In an exhibition game last week against the West Coast All-Stars, a team comprised of ex-college ballers, the poor soul subjected to hanging with Maddox turned to her coach and basically pleaded to be taken out. The coach left her in, and Maddox gave her reason to have flashbacks that would jar most veterans.
While Mark Walters has been around longer than head coach Ritchie McKay for the men's team, Flanagan has headed the program since what seems like the beginning of time. Well actually 1995, but that was, as I pointed out earlier, last century.
During his tenure at the helm, he's compiled a 191-89 record. Flanagan took a team that had a 54-game road-losing streak to go along with a 34-game skid in conference play, and by the 1997-98 season, had them in the NCAA tournament after a Mountain West Conference championship.
Call him Xzibit, because he pimped the Lobos' ride.
Then there's that little thing called attendance. The UNM women's team ranked fourth nationally in attendance per game last season. The men's team, in four games this season, has already set the three lowest all-time attendance records in the program's history. An optimist - and total nutcase - would say they're batting 3-for-4.
With three straight NCAA tournament appearances, wouldn't it be fitting if fans started showing up in greater numbers for the women's home games than the men's?
Maybe then a women's athletics program will get the credit it deserves.
