by Abel Horwitz
Daily Lobo
Welcome to the suck.
Of course, in 2005's pointless war flick "Jarhead" they weren't talking about the movies dumped into our laps at the beginning of every year, but this time it feels appropriate.
The first three months of the year are generally known as the time where the major movie studios shave off the tripe that has been accumulating in their vaults with the hopes that the films will make enough money to repay the investments the studios put into them. Case in point, go to www.quicktime.com and feast your eyes on the trailers for some upcoming films.
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Let's look at "Failure To Launch," opening Feb. 10, the Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker film in which McConaughey plays a 35-year-old who still lives at home with his parents. His parents hire Parker to come in and boost his self-esteem to the point where he decides to move out.
She does this by faking a relationship with him only to find herself quickly falling in love with the charming man. If the fake relationship part sounds familiar, it's because three years ago the movie was called "How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days," in which McConaughey played opposite Kate Hudson. I think I'll pass on this one.
An unwanted trend in Hollywood seems to be shoving actors into fat suits. The next few weeks give us "Big Momma's House 2," opening Jan. 27, in which Martin Lawrence will prove once again how unfunny he is as a fat black woman, and also "Date Movie," opening Feb. 17, in which Alyson Hannigan pretends she's an over-exaggerated version of Bridget Jones.
While the "Scary Movie" trilogy and "Not Another Teen Movie" tread upon their clichÇd targets, I can't help but think the writers were just too lazy to think up proper titles for their films. With the trailer to "Date Movie" boasting it's written by two of the six writers of "Scary Movie," I hope that television can hold me over for this season until the summer blockbusters come along.
And speaking of summer blockbusters, how about "Click," opening June 23, the Adam Sandler film in which he plays a dad who is given a remote control he can use to fast forward, pause, or even rewind his family? Sandler's proven his acting skills with "Punch-Drunk Love," so to go to this sappy crap makes me wary of the film choices he's making. He played a stressed-out father in the barely digestible "Spanglish," and as I'm watching one of my childhood idols careen into mediocrity, all I can do is shake my head as I pop in my "Happy Gilmore/Billy Madison" DVD box set.
There are reasons films like this all tend to come out around the same time. My advice would be to spend your money wisely this season, because if 2006 comes out with the same quality of movies 2005 did, we're in for a very long year.
