Saber-toothed tigers notwithstanding, the anachronisms in "10,000 B.C." completely ruin the movie.
If Roland Emmerich had put even the slightest amount of research into the time period he was making a movie about, he would have realized that, first of all, no one was building pyramids 12,000 years ago. Second, while it is somewhat admirable that he tried to use animals appropriate to the period, the giant terror birds that attack the slavers had gone extinct about 1.7 million years before mankind arose. The movie abounds with historical errors, and the geography of the film completely fails to make sense. Somehow, the Nile ends up next to what appear to be the Himalayas with no explanation. The worst is Bronze Age weapons and domesticated horses, almost 6,000 years before these things would come into being.
As bad as the historical problems are, they could be overlooked if the film wasn't one hackneyed example of Deus ex machina after another. Any problem that confronts the hero, D'Leh - played by Steven Strait - can be taken care of with a couple hand waves and a bit of babbling from an old lady. His lack of any real problems and the fact that his entire life is basically laid out before him in prophecy is only compounded by just how bad of an actor Strait really is.
As the lead in an epic film, he was completely miscast. He has about two expressions, and both of them appear to be variations on anger and brooding, with a little bit of constipation thrown in for good measure. Sadly enough, this performance is so bad that it manages to make Arnold Schwarzenegger's performance as "Conan the Barbarian" look like a bit of brilliant acting.
The female lead isn't any better. Camilla Belle, who plays D'Leh's love interest, Evolet, has a pair of expressions that pretty much go hand in hand with Strait's. She has a look of stupid fear and another look that, over the course of the movie, becomes one of the most irritating things about the entire film. It is an expression that effectively captures, "Oh, look. It's my boyfriend. Oh, no. He can't get to me. Back to fear, I guess."
No one should ever have to think this, much less type it out on paper, but "10,000 B.C." just isn't up to Emmerich's usual standards. As the man is responsible for such classics as "Independence Day" and "The Day After Tomorrow," that's a pretty damning statement. The real issue here is both of those movies were at least funny, in a campy - and likely unintentional - sort of way. "10,000 B.C." is not funny. It's not entertaining. For the most part, it's a really excellent way to waste two hours and to get in the mood for a nice long nap.
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It's a good thing theaters have reclining chairs.
'10,000 B.C.'
Grade: F
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