This review contains spoilers for the “Twilight” series
Take any movie saga from the early 2010s and you’re bound to get an iconic era fueled by quirky traits like side braids, archery classes and running around aimlessly in the woods. Possibly the most influential of the fictional series phase we all experienced around the 2010s was “The Twilight Saga.” While I never got into the books or movies at the time, the films’ recent arrival on Netflix inspired me to finally see what the hype was about. I can completely understand loving “Twilight” as a kid, but here are some of my thoughts as a first-time adult viewer.
1. Charlie Swan was an ineffective cop at best and a grossly negligent father at worst
Bella Swan’s dad, Charlie Swan, is the police chief of Forks, Washington — the main setting of all five “Twilight” movies — and somehow never managed to grasp that Edward Cullen and the rest of his freaky, cultish clan are not human. I mean, for goodness sake, who names their kid Edward anymore? It took Jacob fully transforming into a werewolf before his eyes for him to even begin to get it.
My understanding was that dads (not to mention officers of the law) have a moral obligation to poke around their daughters' lives and investigate strange happenings. You can pretty much always count on Charlie to do the exact opposite, taking Bella’s shady “you’re just going to have to trust me on this” excuse for having a creepy CGI vampire baby at face value and letting it alone.
2. For the most part, vampires are ugly as hell
Edward is introduced by Anna Kendrick’s Jessica Stanley as “totally gorgeous, obviously,” and while this is evident (to me, at least), along with the fact that the rest of the Cullen clan are objectively attractive, any other vampires featured in this movie look like they just crawled out of a hole in the ground.
Most notably is Aro, the leader of the insidious Volturi; he’s just gross-looking. My theory is that the Cullens are hot because they drink animal blood and therefore have some semblance of morality, but you’ll be hard-pressed to find any evidence to corroborate this. It makes sense though, right?
3. Anyone on “Team Jacob” after “Breaking Dawn - Part 2” is wrong
I could easily respect each side of Bella’s love triangle before I sat down and watched the movies, but it’s abundantly clear Jacob is not the one for her. And no, I’m not condoning his weird imprinting thing with Bella’s baby, Renesmee, either; still, that does have something to do with it.
The reason I’m “Team Edward” all the way is because, although Bella loves both of them, she loves Edward more. She literally says that to both of those poor boys. When Edward and Bella get married in “Breaking Dawn - Part 1,” Jacob is visibly happy and notes that the two make a cute couple, so I don’t understand where some people get the impression that Jacob and Bella had any business being together.
Now I certainly don’t have anything against soulmates, but Jacob and Renesmee ending up together is so bizarre and gross and confusing. It’s not that I hate Jacob, but I would have rather seen Jacob be alone forever versus any of that awful plot line.
4. Bella was insane way before Edward or Jacob
Jacob’s generation-defining line “Bella! Where the hell have you been, loca?!” will probably be carved into my gravestone. But while he said it jokingly, there’s no doubt in my mind that Bella is, in fact, loca.
I’m not sure if it’s naivete on Bella’s part, but her desperation to become a vampire just to be with Edward forever is confounding to me. Things would be different if maybe she had an awful home life and no friends; but in truth, both of Bella’s parents were kind and supportive and she was popular at school. At first I chalked it up to Edward’s seductive vampire charm, but then I realized that he himself was begging Bella to stay human.
The thing is, they hadn’t even known one another for very long at that point, so her desire to abandon everyone she knew and run away with her immortal boyfriend is even more odd.
Although I’m pointing out some major red flags in this beautiful, elegant disaster of a saga, I can definitively say that I enjoyed every second of “Twilight.” The bad dialogue and obvious plot holes make for a campy tone which I found incredibly amusing and lovable, so what can I say? I get the hype, and it only took me 13 years to love this gem.
Emma Trevino is the culture editor at the Daily Lobo. She can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Twitter @itsemmatr