The Lions will finish 16-0! Curtis Martin will rush for 3,400 yards! Ben Roethlisberger will lead the Stealers to the Super Bowl! Chris Berman will have a heart attack on camera while Mark Schlereth pees his pants on the set of NFL Prime Time!
Yes, I see it all. Call me the Pigskin Prognosticator. And while I wouldn't put a wager on the events just described - let's just call it an inkling - I am willing to put my divine skills to the test against my sadly overmatched assistant editor.
Here are my picks for Week 3 in the NFL.
Philadelphia Eagles (minus-4) at Detroit Lions
Roy Williams has made some ludicrous catches his first two games, and I'd like to see him go more than 100 yards against the crappy Philly corners. I see him on the cover of Sports Illustrated come next Thursday thanks to this one.
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Lions, 27-24
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (plus-3) at Oakland Raiders
Here's hoping Warren Sapp catches a touchdown pass and twists Jon Gruden into the Chucky Face. The Bucs don't seem like they can do anything this year.
Raiders, 13-0
Jacksonville Jaguars (plus-6) at Tennessee Titans
The Jag's offense really shouldn't suck this bad. Will this be a breakout game for Byron Leftwich?
Jaguars, 20-17
Baltimore Ravens (minus-3) at Cincinnati Bengals
Does it really matter? Seems like my beloved Browns could go 7-9 and make the playoffs out of this gawd-awful division.
Um...
Bengals, 3-0
Houston Texans (plus-8 1/2) at Kansas City Chiefs
No Priest Holmes is no big deal. Why were some of these big shot sports writers picking the Texans for the playoffs? Kansas City's defense is lousy, but no way do they keep giving up 31 points per game.
Chiefs, 34-10
Dallas Cowboys (plus-2) at Washington Redskins
Get ready to see more shots of the coaches than of the players on the field Monday night. Let's just predict which coach will take up more shots and use that to come up with a final margin.
Cowboys, 8,686-8,683
