It was a television moment of unprecedented magnitude when Mini-Me, completely naked and slop-faced drunk, steered his mini motorized scooter into a corner just outside Peter Brady's room and started peeing.
Da Brat was the first to see him, and her shocked, wide-eyed smile made her look like she'd been lit on fire and liked it. She woke up Brady, who, along with ex-Calvin Klein Model Marcus Schenkenberg, coaxed Mini-Me, or Verne Troyer, back to bed.
It was a moment reminiscent of the moon landing or The Beatles on Ed Sullivan, but it wasn't unusual for "The Surreal Life," where scenes of mind-bending absurdity come like snowflakes in a blizzard.
"The Surreal Life," which is in its fourth season on VH1, brings together seven C-list celebrities to live in a house and get drunk. There's some odd jobs and a little bit of bonding that goes on over the course of a season, but it's primarily familiar-looking famous folks getting drunk and then getting angry.
Just hours before he made like my freshman-year roommate, Troyer was eating sushi off the almost-naked body of America's Top Model, showing that even a dwarf can be a big pervert. He was wide-eyed and drooling as he snatched California rolls off her body, stuttering out how sexy he thought she was. In a confessional filmed later, the model said she didn't mind having the has-beens pick sushi off her, until Troyer grabbed a piece from the top of her breast and then stroked her nipple with his pinkie as he brought his hand back.
It's impossible not to laugh when they run a replay, slowed down and zoomed in, that clearly shows she would have been justified in slapping his little head.
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I've never tried heroin, but I doubt the drug is much better than watching this show.
Troyer's hijinks were just the latest in a long line of great scenes that started in season one.
Former rapper Hammer became furious at Corey Feldman - or was it Haim? - for taking half an hour in a public bathroom while he, Webster and Vince Neal were forced to wait.
A year later, a belligerent Trishelle from "The Real World" confessed to the very married Vanilla Ice through slanted eyes and a tomato-red face that she was in love with him and didn't know what to do about it.
Then, last season, came the unparalleled gem of a love affair between Danish beanpole Bridgitte Nielson and Flava Flav, who looked and acted more like her dog than her boyfriend.
Last week the ex-wrestler Chyna, a gigantic bitch in every sense of both words, confessed on a camping trip she was an emotional alcoholic because of her sad and lonely childhood. She poured her heart out as she slammed hard alcohol.
Troyer was having his own problems, though. He was terrified a bear would get him out there in the wilderness and didn't calm down until Schenkenberg promised he would protect Troyer from hungry wildlife at all costs.
In their confessionals, the two said the moment helped them realize what a powerful relationship they share.
