by John Bear
Daily Lobo
It becomes increasingly apparent with each passing day that the future is going to be a major drag.
At least if it resembles in any way Hollywood's idea of what the future holds.
"The Island" is the latest offering of bleak near-future schmaltz to make one nostalgic for the good old days - the '70s - when bad movies about all the horrible things still to come were at least entertaining.
Take, for example, "The Omega Man." Not exactly high art, but at least it features a cabal of insane albinos bent on destroying all traces of civilization and getting brutally dispatched by none other than Charlton Heston, porno music playing all the while - that's entertainment, if one keeps his or her expectations low.
"The Island," on the other hand, never even approaches anything this captivating. It is lost somewhere in the middle of a giant sea of mediocrity and rehashed concepts - though the usher in the theater scanning the crowd with night vision to smoke out bootleggers did add a little bit of atmosphere.
The film opens with a 1984-like portrait of the jubilantly fascist conditions facing the inhabitants of Earth in the year 2019. Apparently, a plague has wiped out most of humanity, and the few remaining survivors seek refuge in sealed-off skyscrapers. They live in a state of perpetual surveillance, with every aspect of their lives under the control of the mysterious voice emanating from the tele-screen on the wall. Having a bad attitude is ill-advised.
Jogging suits and Puma shoes and numerous other product placements seem to be an integral part of this new world order.
Bizarre fashion protocols notwithstanding, the film borrows too much from 1984, at least at the onset. If George Orwell were alive today, he would undoubtedly spend at least part of every morning mailing death threats to the makers of "The Island," demanding they stop stealing his ideas.
The plot focuses mainly on Lincoln Six-Echo, played by Ewan McGregor, a citizen, or "product" of the indoor city who begins to question the reality of his surroundings, much to the chagrin of everyone around him. His suspicions are aroused by a lottery that is conducted twice a day to choose one lucky individual who gets to relocate to "The Island," supposedly the last pristine spot on the entire planet.
Get content from The Daily Lobo delivered to your inbox
Needless to say, there is something not quite kosher about this whole arrangement. And when his best friend and potential romantic interest Jordan Two-Delta, played by Scarlett Johansson, wins the lottery, he goes searching for the awful truth, revealing the first of the requisite plot twists that are present in so many films, they cease to have any real impact, and become formulaic and boring.
Nothing else about this film fares much better. The dialogue is stiff and unnatural, and the comic relief is stale and uninspired. Save $9 and rent "Logan's Run" instead. "The Island" rips this one off as well, but with "Logan's Run," you can at least laugh at the bad '70s hair.
