by Andrew Price
Daily Lobo columnist
The life of a working dog is a thankless one.
You spend all your time protecting stupid, smelly, thankless, ungrateful sheep and for what? The privilege of listening to them criticize you, make fun of you and even call you names. They are constantly scheming and coming up with this plan or that. If their schemes are successful, they will take full credit. If they fail, they plan in advance to blame the whole thing on you, the poor dog.
"Baaaah, the dog lied to start a war. Baaaah, the dog got drunk when he was a puppy. Baaaah, that's not the wolf pack that attacked us. And why haven't you found the cave of the wolf that did?"
They say the same things over and over, such as, "Baaaah, the dogs' brother put him in charge by not letting the black sheep vote somehow. Baaaah, the dog isn't shearing us enough. Baaaah, why aren't the dogs' puppies fighting the wolves?"
The sheep loved the last dog that was watching them. His name was Bill, and he just let the sheep lay around in the meadow that a better dog had led them to. You might even say that they've elevated him to sheep-god status. That's a real head-scratcher, because he never really did anything but take the credit for what his two predecessors had done.
Bill sheared the sheep too often, but he told them that if they would just keep giving wool the flock would take care of them. This statement always seems to comfort sheep. Why don't they take care of themselves and not depend on the flock to provide handouts? Maybe if they got to keep more of their wool, the whole flock would be stronger. But that is an absurd thought for a sheep.
Bill spent his tenure telling the sheep how great he was, and even set up a network where the same statements could be made simultaneously throughout the flock, and it would seem spontaneous and not directed by Bill at all. Bill was a master self-promoter. The sheep still use Bills' rumor network, only now to criticize the new dog, of course.
Bill had some problems, though. He knew there was a bad wolf out there and the bad wolf's pack was growing. Bill knew this wolf was going to attack the flock. Bill gambled that the bad wolf wouldn't attack on his watch. This gamble paid off for Bill when the wolf attacked right after the new dog took over.
Even Bill admitted when the attack happened, he knew immediately which wolf had done it. Bill used his network to blame the new dog for his own complacence.
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Bill barked at the bad wolf once, though. Bill got into trouble for molesting a young sheep, and was in danger of losing control of the flock. Bill stood on a hill where the whole flock could see him, and at the critical moment started barking and growling in the direction of the wolf so the flock could see what a good dog he was. It worked, and the sheep forgave him.
The sheep love Bill so much they want his mate to replace the new dog.
"Baaaah, she probably won't molest young sheep. Baaaah, she will shear us all the time like Bill did. Baaaah, she will give us free stuff after we give her all our wool. Baaaah, it will be just like it was when Bill was in charge."
The fact of the matter is Bills' mate really wants the job. She is just biding her time, hoping the new dog will deal with all the wolves and other problems or at least get them close enough to where any moron could finish dealing with them. Then she will step in and take credit, just like Bill did with the set-up he inherited from the great dog before him.
It might just happen, because sheep don't know they are sheep. Sheep think they are smart and dogs are dumb. But think about it - has anyone ever heard of a pack of dogs running headlong off a cliff?
Unfortunately, sheep do it all the time.
