by Lucinda Ulrich
Daily Lobo columnist
So much for being a little pregnant, as if that was ever possible anyway - now there's such a thing as being a lot pregnant.
I was perusing the Health Channel when I stumbled upon the story of Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, proudly pregnant with their 15th - you read it right, their 15th - child. As if the fact that anyone would have 15 children isn't shocking enough, the father's name is Jim Bob.
This is not a test. I repeat, this is not a test - this is an emergency.
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I heard that people like this existed, but I didn't believe it. Like Bigfoot, I thought they were the stuff of wives' tales, too far-fetched to be true. Why would anyone in their right mind have more than five children, let alone 15?
The answer is: They're not in their right mind. Instead, they gave their minds to Jesus. Why would anyone have 15 children? They'll be the first to tell you - it's because they decided to let God decide how many children they were going to have. I guess giving your life over to Jesus automatically means it's OK to have irresponsible, unprotected sex that will produce enough offspring to populate a small Appalachian town.
Just in time for Halloween - "Nightmare on God Street," coming to a town near you, but currently playing in theaters all across the Bible Belt, especially Arkansas.
Family-management abilities of God aside, these two people could do a better job running a major corporation than anyone since Rockefeller. It's a major operation to manage a household of that size.
How do they do it? Well, you need not go any further than the Duggar family Web site, www.jimbob.info. While you're there, you'll also be treated to juicy Bible quotes, such as 2 Corinthians 12:9, which states, "And He said unto me, my grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness, most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me." Of all the passages in the Bible, I'm not sure why they chose to quote this particular one, or what this has to do with anything related to their monumental contribution to overpopulation.
Anyway, all people have to do who are curious about how the Duggars manage their large brood is go to their Web site. There they'll find a list of frequently asked questions such as, "How do you manage the laundry?" and "How do you afford to have all those children?" I'd like to ask the question, "How do you find time to have sex with all these kids running around?"
But who needs rational explanations - they are celebrities after all, interviewed on all the major networks, viewed by fine American audiences in the privacy of their homes instead of in sleazy sideshows at neighborhood carnivals. They smile their pure smiles for the cameras, show off their well-behaved children and their immaculate laundry schedule for all to see, and share the word of God with anyone who will listen.
As an agnostic in this golden age of Christianity we call the early 21st century and a self-appointed, devout member of Responsible Citizens for a Sustainable Earth, I have to wonder, is anyone else offended?
Is bringing 16 children into the world - believe it or not, they have another one on the way - a Christian act? I'd call it irresponsible. Anyone who has more than two children, maybe four at most, is socially irresponsible.
Has anyone looked at the rate of human population growth recently? Have people thought about the fact that China has been using forced sterilizations for years - which I don't agree with, even for Jim Bob - to keep their population growth down to a slow trickle?
Aren't these people worried that some radical environmentalist will come to their house and hunt them down, or at the least, bombard them with diatribes about the state of the world in a place called reality where the rest of us of live? Do people like this exist outside of George Orwell novels?
Apparently so.
