by Steven Fernandez
Daily Lobo
The piece of paper that was my NCAA Tournament bracket now looks like someone lit it on fire, urinated on it, then passed it through a shredder.
That's OK, though. Thanks are in order for J.J. Redick and Adam Morrison, who made this year's college basketball season entertaining for two very different reasons.
The two are leading the nation in scoring and have had the spotlight on them all year. However, that is where the similarities end.
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I'm convinced Morrison has to be some psychopathic serial killer who escaped the looney bin and changed identities. Redick, on the other hand, is the sharp-shooting little pretty boy everyone outside of Duke loves to hate.
Morrison is one of my favorite college players since Michael Jordan. Not because he leads the nation in scoring or is arguably the best player in college. It's because I wouldn't be the least bit shocked if at any moment he got so pumped after a three-pointer that he ran over to the opposing bench, knocked over one of the players, and started hitting himself in the face with a steel chair.
If you've seen him play lately, you've probably noticed him taking his fist or a ball to his own skull, as well as talking trash to opposing players throughout the game. He's just as likely to start choking a ref at halfcourt as he is to miss a clutch free throw. Not likely, but certainly possible.
And how about that ridiculous mustache? That thing is the sole reason for his insanity. What if it detached from his face, grew and turned out to be the missing link? Again, this wouldn't be surprising after watching the freak that is Morrison the past couple years.
As for Redick, I want to see him fail miserably. And that's not just because he's a Duke Blue Devil, or even because he writes lame poetry. It's because of Dick Vitale. That guy's disturbing infatuation with Redick is going to be the death of him. Whenever he's covering a Duke game and Redick makes a play, he goes off with something like, "Oh Baby! Redick with the magic from Downtown! Oh Baby! What a show!"
What would happen if Duke won the NCAA Tournament this year? He would die out of pure joy. Vitale is supposed to be neutral for the games he covers, but you can almost hear him chanting, "Here we go Blue Devils, here we go" under his breath. It's only a matter of time before Vitale takes off his headset, walks down to the Blue Devils' bench humming Marvin Gaye, and proposes to Redick in front of America.
For this reason, I am praying Duke gets knocked out early. It's best for all of us, especially Vitale. Plus, the expression on Redick's face if and when they fall short would be classic. His doe-in-the-headlights look would probably rival that of Mike Meyers after Kanye West's gem at a Hurricane Katrina fundraiser.
So as entertaining as Morrison and Redick are, neither one of them will be champion. I could stick with my original bracket, which has UConn beating UCLA, but all that would do is assure them an early ride home.
Instead, I'm just going to go out on a limb and say that West Virginia University is going to take the crown. That decision is based solely on the team members' ridiculous names, like center Kevin Pittsnogle.
So while the Mountaineers are celebrating, you can bet Redick will be somewhere working on his sonnets while Morrison is tightly strapped into a straitjacket.
