Public relations quotes are a dime a dozen.
But if you're lucky, you'll get a few gems in your time working in the journalism industry.
So far, I have about three that I consider golden:
"You guys are the experts," Rocky Long said, referring to the media.
Amazing, huh?
"I think we're a little snake-bit," head baseball coach Ray Birmingham said, talking about last season's offensive struggles against UC-Irvine. "So, we need to do some sort of Indian rain dance to get the mojo off our offense."
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Better.
"Watch the clock," Donovan Porterie said when asked about his return from surgery on his ACL.
Another gem.
But more often than not, I get stuff like:
"Whoever makes the least amount of mistakes will win the game."
Or, to paraphrase a recycled John Madden phrase:
"Whoever scores the most points, goals, baskets - whatever you want - wins."
Since, it seems, you will get more painfully vague and boring quotes than awe-inspiring ones, I was thinking of a fresh way to work in some quotes with zing.
And this is what I came up with.
As I was roaming around campus chatting with my friend about this problem, we came up with the following solution: Since I can seem only to extract a few eye-popping quotes from athletes, coaches and players, I decided to mic myself up.
Welcome to Q&A with Isaac & Isaac:
A bit schizophrenic, I know. But bear with me.
Isaac: After all your posturing, meaning all those columns you dedicated boasting about how great the Dallas Cowboys are, will the embattled 'Boys make the playoffs?
Isaac: Right now, the Cowboys stand in ninth place in the NFC. Six teams make the NFC playoffs - four division winners and two wildcard spots - which means you can't be last in your division and still earn a playoff spot. Awesome. At 5-4 overall and 1-2 in the division, what place are the Cowboys in, in the NFC East? Well, we're not last, only because we possess the tiebreaker over Philadelphia.
I'm worried.
Last night I couldn't sleep, as what seemed like an impossible circumstance slowly becomes more real. I hate to say this, but unless Tony Romo returns immediately or Brad Johnson swallows a vial of poison, Dallas is moving from consensus preseason Super Bowl contenders to Fort Worthless. And despite how much I love Wade Phillips, wouldn't you hate to get him to give testimony in a court of law? For all those angry people still wondering how the heck O.J. got away with murder, Phillips had to be one of the key witnesses, because no matter how much evidence you present Phillips with that the team is struggling, he will bitterly deny it. Frankly, since we're on the discussion of PR answers, I wish coaches were honest. Honesty shall set you free. Oh, yeah, and Johnnie Cochran.
Isaac: What did you miss most about college basketball?
Isaac: Besides college basketball, itself? Probably Dick Vitale's exorbitant use of words such as "prime time player", "baby," "diaper dandy" and any unmentioned Dickisms.
Isaac: Should Roy Jones Jr. have fought Joe Calzaghe?
Isaac: Ya'll must've Forgot that Roy Jones Jr. is ancient for a boxer at age 39. But you couldn't see his age behind all the blood plastered on his mug. Boxing is dead. From now on, if anybody wants to watch boxing, turn on an NHL game or YouTube Todd Bertuzzi doing everything but killing Steve Moore.
