Jamie Foxx told us to “Blame It on the Alcohol.” Mike Locksley told us to “blame it on Locks.”
Sorry, coach, but on the continuum of culpability, you’re about as guilty for the UNM team getting shish-kebabbed 37-13 by Air Force football as Denzel Washington was in that movie, “The Hurricane.”
Can’t say the same about the players. Trust me, Johnnie Cochran would have a hard time defending these guys, because if the glove fits, you must convict.
For the third time this season, the New Mexico Grave Diggers took a spade and dug themselves another hole. Down 17-0 by the end of the first quarter, the Lobos made sure that by the time the fourth quarter rolled around, University Stadium resembled the city morgue.
Comparing UNM’s offense to a “flickering pilot light” during the week, Locksley added that every time it seems the Lobos are about to ignite, a wind blows in and extinguishes the fire. In other words, the first-year coach is looking for some arsonists, and instead he’s got an offensive roster full of Smokey Bear’s cousins.
There’s an overwhelming body of evidence — I stopped charting the Lobos’ miscues after 25 — all pointing to the same problem: the players.
With 10:53 in the first quarter, Victor James dropped the ball on a slant route for a would-be first down, bringing up third-and-nine. The Lobos, 2-of-12 on third down, couldn’t convert, leading to a 53-yard field-goal attempt by James Aho, which was blocked by Ben Garland. The Falcons took over and drove 63 yards before Jonathan Warzeka capped the march with a 9-yard run, making it 7-0 Air Force.
For the past two games, UNM’s running backs looked like Geos trying to drive in muddy terrain. All they could do was spin their tires. Just as Demond Dennis appeared to turn things around on the ground for UNM, he coughed the ball up on a 14-yard dash on the Lobos’ ensuing drive. The Falcons cashed in with a field goal, 10-0. It’s the third time this season that Dennis the Menace has fumbled.
As if that wasn’t enough, after two years without tossing a touchdown pass — the equivalent of seven games factoring out those games he missed because of injury — quarterback Donovan Porterie finally threw one to the other team, air-mailing a gift to Air Force’s Jon Davis, who jaunted down the sidelines for a 49-yard interception return, which gave the Falcons a 17-0 advantage.
Locksley said of Porterie’s interception: “That was a bad, bad decision by Donovan.”
That’s being nice. Davis, the thieving pickpocket, stood 2 yards behind the Lobos’ receiver, baiting Porterie to throw. When he did, it was
pick six.
Even when things clicked for the Lobos, something ghastly lurked around the shadowy corner. In Thanksgiving-come-early for UNM, the Lobo offense ended a 15-quarter scoring drought, compliments of a 43-yard touchdown run by James Wright — a reason to throw a parade among the UNM faithful. But fans didn’t even have time to cheer. On the very next play, punter Adam Miller gave away a point after bobbling the point-after snap, making it 24-6 Air Force.
And that was just some of the egregious, can’t-miss mistakes. UNM also whiffed on tackles and had seven penalties called against them for 66 yards.
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“Again on offense, the same things reared their ugly head — the penalties, the drops, the interceptions, the fumbles, all the things that we’ve talked about (in) the last two weeks,” Locksley said.
Problem is, the coaches have made the necessary adjustments. But if players don’t execute, what can Locksley do — strap on some gear and run on the field?
Legendary NFL coach Bill Parcells once said, “If you are going to cook the meal, you should at least be allowed to buy the groceries.”
Point being: Right now, the Lobo cupboard is bare. Locksley opened the fridge looking for freshly-squeezed, name-brand Juice Williams, and instead he’s got the generic brand.
To put it in the words of linebacker Carmen Messina: “It’s hard to keep our heads up. But that’s what we have to do.”
Saying the Lobos have no confidence in themselves might not be entirely accurate. But saying that their psyche is as fragile as a snow globe seems justified.
Locksley said that every time there are flurries, UNM appears to panic.
“That’s probably a natural reaction of a young team — a team that isn’t weathered or hasn’t been through these battles — to look up at the score and (not) continue to play hard,” he said. “How do we get through it as coaches? We’ve got to continue to coach them up. I thought our coaches did a good job with the young guys. A guy like Demond having a fumble — it’s easy for him to get down on himself.”
In a down year, a “miracle worker” keeps his team upbeat. In that regard, Locksley has succeeded. As far as turning the program around, that’s still a work in progress. UNM is one of only nine 0-3 teams in Division I football.
But remember, even Jesus Christ, the most heralded miracle worker in history, needed five loaves of bread and two fish before he could feed 5,000 hungry followers.
What Lobo fans are asking Locksley to do is like asking Emeril Lagasse to make steak out of Spam.
