Maria Mendez tries to remember July 10, 2012 not as the day that her world stopped, but as a marker to keep going.
That’s what her father would have wanted, Mendez said.
“My dad, I don’t know, he was tired ... and that’s when he shot himself,” Mendez said. “It turned my entire family’s lives for a whirlwind. All of us suffered in different ways, but for me it was different because I was so close to him, but I was also so far away.”
Born and raised in Los Angeles, Mendez was the first person in her family to take the plunge and go to college. In August of 2011, she packed up all she would need and made the 12-hour drive to Albuquerque.
Initially, Mendez said she wanted to go into medicine because she knew it was a good profession. However, she will graduate with her Bachelors of Science in Psychology and Biology, due to the lack of attention that mental disorders receive.
“That’s why, now, I want to go into mental health. It’s why I’ve done research in resilience and trauma, because my little brother has suffered a lot,” Mendez said. “One of my brothers actually witnessed my dad passing away ... I just saw the change in him and we couldn’t get him the help that he needed.”
Mendez said her father had been going through hardships after losing his job at Coca-Cola. The financial instability is something that she said caused tension among her parents, a situation that Mendez said would affect any family.
Her father lost his job right before she shipped off to New Mexico, a place Mendez was not familiar with. She said her dad was proud of her for taking the leap to better herself and chase her dreams, but Mendez also knew the toll that it took on him.
“I was really close with my dad, so leaving was probably really hard for me and him because we were best friends,” Mendez said. “He knew it was a good thing for me.”
That first year, Mendez said she would call to chat with her father to check in, just to see how he was doing. Time between classes, breaks at work, car rides home were normally spent on the phone with her dad.
Tonya Romero first linked up with Mendez at UNM’s freshman orientation. She said the two instantly formed a close-knit bond that would help them both through difficult times.
Romero said that she noticed the change in her close friend, but that Mendez remained driven through enduring her traumatizing experience.
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“When her dad passed away, she was a very different person ... But she’s one person that definitely stayed strong,” Romero said. “She never gave up, she stayed close to her friends and pursued what she wanted to do because she knew her dad would be proud of her.”
Mendez wanted to be sure she would graduate on time and said she felt like she was falling behind because she was only allowed 12 credit hours per semester due to the regulations of the consortium agreement she had signed.
Further, the out-of-state tuition was too high, so she did everything she could to make sure she stayed on track to graduate.
So instead of going home for the summer, she decided to stay in New Mexico, work at the UNM Children’s Campus and take summer classes at CNM.
Tragic news
Mendez said she had just talked to her father on the way home after her evening class and was working on her math homework in bed. She fell asleep and said when she woke up she felt like something was wrong but assumed it was because she knew how much work needed to be done.
When Mendez reached out for her phone to contact her dad, it was already ringing.
It was the family neighbor, from back in California.
In a panic, the neighbor ran across the street to get Mendez’s sister. All Mendez wanted to know was whether or not her father was okay, she said. She asked repeatedly to talk to her father, or for someone to let her know what was going on.
Her sister then asked to go to her roommate’s room, who had already received the news. Finally, Mendez said after being in her roommate’s room and demanding over and over to know what happened, that was when they told her her father had commited suicide.
“That wasn’t my dad’s first attempt,” Mendez said.
Mendez jumped on a plane for the remainder of the summer, but said she was right back in school in the fall.
“I think Maria didn’t take any time off because she wanted to pursue her dream still and making her dad proud,” Romero said. “Keeping herself busy helped her. All of her friends being there ... we really helped push her through, but mainly it was her choice not to give up and I think she just wanted to make her dad proud."
“And she has.”
‘I would hate for anyone to judge him’
Even to this day, Mendez and her family remain very close despite having a state between them.
Even when losing their house in California, they were able to work through the hard times together, she said. Mendez said by not giving up and pursuing her degree, she inspired her sister to get her associate’s degree.
“It did make our family closer because we now have a running group text and we constantly check in and we constantly talk throughout the day,” she said. “But it was definitely difficult for me being way out here and everything going on back home.”
Mendez said that there is a misconception about suicide, that she has heard people mention the false notion that suicide is selfish. In fact, Mendez said she doesn’t blame her father or think of him any differently.
She said that it definitely made her sad, but the fact that he was so depressed that he felt the only way to cope was to take his own life couldn’t have been easy.
“He was the most amazing dad and he was a great role model,” Mendez said. “I would hate for anyone to judge him for what happened and to say that’s the reason us kids didn’t do well.”
A promise fulfilled
As Mendez will walk up the aisle this week to receive her diploma alongside her close friend, the two will surely be thinking about the trying times they have overcome with the help of one another.
One trip in particular was to California.
Before his death, Mendez’s father promised to cook for the two and take them to Disneyland.
Though her father passed before he, Mendez and Romero were able to ride Glacier Mountain together, the family stayed true to the promise.
“I got a lot of experiences with Maria that not a lot of friends get to have,” Romero said.
Mendez’s schooling is not done, as she will shift her focus following graduation night to packing for Chicago in order to continue pursuing her academic dreams.
The senior has already been accepted to DePaul, where she will pursue a Master’s degree in Mental Health.
Liam Cary-Eaves is the sports editor for the Daily Lobo. He can be reached at sports@dailylobo.com or on Twitter @Liam_CE.
