At a press conference on Wednesday, April 1, University of New Mexico Lobo football Head Coach Lobo Louie announced the team will be implementing a new offensive strategy at the beginning of next season: a Trojan Horse.
The Trojan Horse will be known as the “Trojan Lobo,” and the program hopes the figure will become a beloved part of Lobo football history.
Student fees for athletics will be raised by $200 per person to pay for the 50-foot wooden horse with the head of a Lobo.
While the Lobos were not eager to give away their entire plan for using the Trojan Lobo, they did disclose some details.
“Essentially, we’re going to be the next Greek Army. We’re going to hide some dudes in a giant horse, sneak it behind their line, and just play so brutally that they won’t even notice the horse. Maybe we’ll put the guys in those gladiator skirts just for the heck of it,” Louie said.
The change comes as a wave of updates to college football rules were passed allowing for more creative approaches to offensive and defensive.
Teams will now also be allowed to release a barrel of monkeys, spray the opposing players with shaving cream or declare a siege on the other team if their quarterback is sacked or yells a “Yo’ mama” joke.
Universities across the country have begun introducing a new wave of strategies, including duels, turning off the lights during night games, or stealing the ball and requiring a thumb war for the opposing team to get the ball back.
Louie said he was inspired to introduce a Trojan horse to his offensive line after watching the movie “Troy.”
When asked if the strategy is within the parameters of what is allowed by the new college football rules, UNM Offensive Coordinator Odysseus “Nobody” of Ithaca said the answer wasn’t entirely clear.
“Well, no one said we couldn’t use a Trojan horse, so,” Nobody said, shrugging.
Student reactions thus far have been mixed.
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Melanie Smith, a junior, did not understand why the students had to pay for such experimental equipment.
“I’m all for the gladiator skirts, but do we really need a horse?” Smith said. “I think I should be able to have a say whether I pay $200 for grown men to pretend they are Brad Pitt. Was he the one who jumped out of the horse in ‘Troy’?”
Derek Rosales, a freshman, was in favor of the offensive upgrades.
“I’m all for it. Whatever it takes to win,” Rosales said.
Lobo football also announced it is considering jousting horses as the new rules allow wide receivers to ride any animal that stands under 10 feet into the end zone as long as it can be saddled.
“I mean, who didn’t love watching dudes in gladiator skirts hop out of that horse and start bashing people? It was rad. I think once the community sees the horse, they’ll be more on board,” Louie said.
Maria Fernandez is the copy editor for the Daily Lobo. She can be reached at copy@dailylobo.com or on X @dailylobo
