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Opinion

Opinion: No Labels: The scam that keeps on scamming

Nate Bernard | April 8

Many Americans are exhausted from our two political giants, Democrats and Republicans. Their divisiveness inflames and divides us every four years. A substantial 63% of Americans believe “a third party is needed” because the Republican and Democratic parties do “such a poor job,” according to a September 2023 Gallup Poll. While party diversity within our government would be ideal as it gives greater representation to those with differing opinions, Americans must treat third-parties with the same seriousness as our major parties and must not vote for third-party candidates based solely on their outsider status.

Sports

Baseball: Lobos drop series against Sam Houston

Thomas Bulger | April 8

The baseball team lost two games against Sam Houston State University over the weekend. In Friday’s matchup, the Lobos lost a high scoring game 23-14 and lost Sunday 14-3. Saturday’s match was canceled due to high winds. The game will not be rescheduled.

News

How to participate in NM’s 2024 primary elections

Austin Fisher | April 8

This story was originally published by Source New Mexico. New Mexico’s primary election will determine who will appear on the general election ballot this November. Primary election day will be held on June 4. Early voting begins May 7. These dates can affect whether voters can participate in the primaries being held by political parties in the state.

New Mexico United vs. El Paso Locomotive FC

Sports

New Mexico leaves rivals in the wind

BillyJack Davidson | April 8

New Mexico United had their fifth game of the 2024 season, hosting the El Paso Locomotives, and took home a roller coaster 3-2 victory. The last 15 minutes of the game saw a nail biting close finish with both teams each scoring two goals. United came off a great victory against the Rising Phoenix FC, and will now go on with a two-win streak. Head Coach Eric Quill talked about what got his team through the game. “It was a roller coaster night. (We came) out of the gates hot (after) scoring that first goal and then, for some reason, we let them take over,” Quill said. “We regrouped at halftime and settled down, played more of our brand and then they saw some life with those two goals, 2-1 at 88. But we showed real character with our subs coming on, which is (an) outstanding mentality.”

Opinion

Opinion: The Clippers need to move

Rodney Prunty | April 8

When the Los Angeles Clippers acquired NBA superstars, Kawhi Leonard and Paul George, this was seen as a great move for them and would surely guarantee a long future of success both in the league and in their city. The recruitment of their newest additions was also to compete with their cross town rivals, the Los Angeles Lakers, after they acquired Anthony Davis to pair with Lebron James. All of this happened back in 2019, and since then, the Clippers have been falling short, the franchise has been shrouded in mediocrity and, all the while, the Lakers won an NBA Championship.

Opinion

Review: Isotopes concessions knock it out of the park

Elizabeth Secor | April 8

The Albuquerque Isotopes unveiled their new concession items right before the current season. The latest food up to bat has me singing, “Take me out to the concession stands.” The ballpark's executive chef, Jim Griego, is the mastermind behind these new dishes. Griego wanted to create food that made coming to the stadium a culinary experience (that requires lots of napkins).

Satire

Lobo Louie and Lobo Lucy: Siblings or dating?

Karina Bolaños and Lily Alexander | April 2

A question has long plagued University of New Mexico students and they have been left in the dark to wonder: are beloved mascots Lobo Louie and Lobo Lucy siblings or dating? Two Daily Lobo editors teamed up to get to the bottom of the mystery, calling upon multiple eyewitnesses and combing through historical documents. Despite the University’s insistence that Louie and Lucy are siblings, mounting evidence points to their romantic involvement. Photographic evidence from a decade ago caught Louie and Lucy kissing in the Student Union Building. Witness of the kiss, Faye Kerr speculated it marked the beginning of their relationship.

Satire

New bus driver Ms. Frizzle put on leave due to horrifying adventure

Nate Bernard | April 1

If you’re cruising on down University, relaxing and feeling good, you might have been lucky enough to spot the University of New Mexico’s newest shuttle bus driver, Valerie Frizzle, known locally as Ms. Frizzle. Frizzle, although just recently hired, has also been put on temporary leave due to misconduct related to “adventuring.” Her employment at UNM has been questioned in less than a week since her hiring on Tuesday, March 26. Frizzle is a former elementary school science teacher who was searching for a career change. When the opportunity arose, she decided to begin driving shuttle buses for UNM, Frizzle said.

Satire

UNMPD announces ‘Small Arms Division’: New animal task force comprised of T. rexes

Maria Fernandez | April 1

The University of New Mexico Police Department announced at a press conference on Wednesday, March 27 that they will expand the animal police force to include a pack of Tyrannosaurus rexes. T. rexes are known for their speed, agility and smarts. Their inherent sense for sniffing out blood will be utilized on the job. It will also be expanded to detect various paraphernalia and explosives, UNMPD Chief Ian Winterhalder said. The dinosaurs are capable of running at an impressive 12 miles per hour, faster than 90% of the current police force, according to UNMPD’s website.

Satire

STEM in the sky, humanities in the hollows

Shin Thant Hlaing | April 1

The University of New Mexico has unveiled a new infrastructure plan in which Science Technology Engineering and Math (STEM) buildings will float a mile above ground and humanities buildings will be relocated to underground tunnels to shield students from the STEM jet flames. “STEM subjects are the future and we need to show our support for our STEM students by giving them an educational experience with state of the art technology: jetpacks,” UNM President Garnett Stokes said. ”We must also, as the flagship university of the state, demonstrate a decisive superiority over New Mexico State University.”

Satire

Opinion: Football is too complicated and I don’t like it

Shin Thant Hlaing | April 1

After years of analysis (I watched a 30-minute video of NFL highlights), I’ve come to the conclusion that football is too complicated and I don’t like it. There, I said it – this is a fully legitimate expert opinion. I actually would’ve made it to the big leagues if it weren’t for my knee injury. First of all, being able to enjoy the game is entirely dependent on an understanding of the imperial measurement system, which most of the world no longer uses. Well, that and beer consumption. And a bowl of nachos.

Satire

UNM sorority hosts fight club for rush season

Addison Fulton | April 1

“I will rip those stupid fake highlights clean out of your skull. Anyways, see you tomorrow night sister, xoxoxo,” Ashleigh Damon wrote in a text message to sorority sister Kayleigh Smith that was leaked to the Daily Lobo. Smith is just one of many students preparing to make the most out of their ...

Satire

LoboAlerts fails to warn UNM students of impending doom

Addison Fulton | April 1

Another Rapture caught many students off guard when the LoboAlerts warning system failed to go off in a timely manner, causing many to be stuck in apocalyptic situations. “When I saw that the sky had turned dark and hordes of locusts were emerging from everywhere, I thought to myself, it would have been nice to know about this an hour ago,” Hellen Fyre, a University of New Mexico junior, said. Fyre, like many students, was disappointed by the lateness of the LoboAlert, which should warn students before they go into potentially hazardous conditions, such as hellfire erupting from the ground, she said.

Satire

UNM provides new grad student housing … underground

Sadie Hopkins | April 1

The University of New Mexico has released plans for a new solution to affordable housing for graduate students off campus – underground tunnels. Recently, graduate students at UNM have voiced concerns about a lack of student housing. Anita Knapp, a representative for the United Graduate Workers of UNM, said that the uncertainty of housing has made her experience in graduate work strange and difficult. “I’ve been living off of medical experiments for three months, so I could move into the tunnels, but I have since started to grow purple hair and extra appendages,” Knapp said.

Satire

SHAC opens retirement center to accommodate wait times

Maddie Pukite | April 1

The average age of students on campus is increasing to 190, meanwhile, Student Health and Counseling wait times are increasing as well. To accommodate the wait, SHAC opened retirement centers last Friday for students and has allegedly started an experimental drug trial in hopes of finding an anti-aging property. The issue began on April 3, 2023 when four students all entered the waiting room at the same time for sprained ankles. Maria Barker, an injured student, said all hell broke loose when a box of a thousand unidentifiable tablet-sized medications fell off a shelf.

Satire

A million dollars worth of Pistol Pete art found

Marcela Johnson | April 1

The University of New Mexico Art Museum (UNMAM) has created a scandal for the Art Department after a Center for the Arts janitor, Henry Robinson, stumbled upon millions of dollars worth of Pistol Pete art last Monday. “I was looking for some old supplies that we used to keep in a shared space, and when I opened that door, all this Pistol Pete crap came falling on me,” Robinson said. “That’s gotta be a safety violation.” The UNMAM has denied any involvement with the storage closet and its contents. UNMAM Director Anna Lyre has said that she does not believe it exists.

Satire

UNM will include jousting after fatal prophecy is revealed

Nate Bernard | April 1

Hear ye, hear ye! Our noble queen, Garnett Stokes, proclaims the entry of the University of New Mexico into jousting tournaments following a dire prophecy uncovered by the wizards. These tournaments shall commence upon the eve of the blood moon, where challengers from neighboring universities and local warlords shall vie for glory. Whilst the tournaments shall primarily revolve around the noble sport of jousting, there shall also be contests of poem recitation and the drawing forth of the legendary sword, Excalibur, Stokes declared. The victors of these contests shall be bestowed with scrolls detailing fantastical quests, wherein the true reward lies in the friends they made along the way, Stokes declared.

Opinion

Review: Feminine and queer work ‘In Bloom’ at Masley Hall

Shin Thant Hlaing | March 29

“In Bloom” is an art exhibition in Masley Hall, constructed by Generation Action University of New Mexico, that features the budding talents of 13 undergraduate artists. The variety of the mediums presented drives home not just the different experiences of the artists, but the different ways in which those experiences can be articulated. The exhibition spotlights works on femininity and Queerness, and is open to the public until March 29. Generation Action UNM is an organization with ties to Planned Parenthood that advocates for reproductive health care and abortion care. While the chosen works managed to cover multiple spheres of feminine and Queer experience, most of the artworks outwardly came across as focusing more on the feminine experience.

News

APD releases crime statistics for 2023

Arly Garcia | March 29

In recent crime statistics, the Albuquerque Police Department cited proactive enforcement as the reason they saw increased drug possession and shootings in 2023; the American Civil Liberties Union of New Mexico is critical of this method of policing because of the way it treats drug offenses. APD released preliminary crime statistics for 2023 on Feb. 29. The report includes comparisons to crime numbers from 2018 onward. In 2023, APD saw a total of 65,960 reported crimes. While most of the numbers represented small changes, there was a 49% increase in Crimes Against Society, including prostitution, drug offenses and weapons law violations, according to the report.

News

GPSA Presidential elections: Joseph Conteh

Maddie Pukite | March 25

Joseph Conteh (ballot #2) is running for Graduate and Professional Student Association President. His campaign centers on collaboration and creating more opportunities for graduate students at the University. Conteh is pursuing a Master of Public Administration and has served as the Public Relations Director for GPSA this past year. He also served as the Student Body Vice President for the University of Sierra Leone during his undergraduate career. His work in the past has focused on supporting projects from rural communities in Sierra Leone, which fostered skills he said he would bring to this position.