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Friday, December 19, 2014

BDSM and polyamorist communities alive and well in Albuquerque

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By Juan Labreche / New Mexico Daily Lobo

Jack D. Nimble stares down at the pile of handmade dreadlock extensions he cut from Lulu’s head during a stage performance at Evolution Nightclub.

culture@dailylobo.com

Two men dragged a screaming woman off the dance floor at Evolution Nightclub Saturday night, covered her mouth with a rag and bound her in the fetal position with green plastic wrap. A brief kiss later, they left her whimpering in the corner as a security guard with an earpiece and studded boots guarded her from the crowd.

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Daniel Ferus, right, restrains Lulu while Jack D. Nimble chops off strands of Lulu’s handmade dreadlock extensions. Nimble and Ferus put on a series of fetish art performances Saturday night at Evolution Nightclub as part of a show called Triskaidekaphobia. The show’s theme was confronting phobias.

By Juan Labreche / New Mexico Daily Lobo
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3 Jack D. Nimble reveals the truth to Kat. While Kat was blindfolded and restrained, Nimble subjected her to what Kat believed to be spiders and snakes, her phobias. After Nimble removed the blindfold, he told her they were fake.

By Juan Labreche / New Mexico Daily Lobo

To an unsuspecting bystander, it appeared the woman was assaulted. In reality, she knew it was going to happen; it was a planned fetish performance-art piece.

Such performance pieces are common at Sanctuary Above the Crypt, a monthly event typically held at Evolution Nightclub.

Sanctuary Above the Crypt owner and promoter Daniel Fukken Denial (a stage name) said goths aren’t the only ones who come to his events.

“My crowd is still even mixed,” Denial said. “There’s geeks, nerds, hippies, goths, punks, drag queens. You name it, I’ve seen them all there.”

The performances are often led by Jack D. Nimble, the alter ego character of Julian Wolf, who is an educator on topics such as bondage, domination and sadomasochism.

“It’s a quote that’s not original to me, but ‘Fear is an underestimated aphrodisiac,’” Wolf said. “And it’s true. It stimulates all the same cortexes in the brain as other sorts of stimulation.”

Wolf, a former sexual-health lecturer at CNM, travels the country giving demonstrations on flogging, wax play and role playing. She said sadomasochism is often confused with abuse, but in fact, the nonegalitarian relationships are based on consent.

“If you are being coerced, it’s abuse,” Wolf said. “If you do not want to do it, it’s abuse. If at any point you said, ‘no,’ and it was ignored, it’s abuse. If you’re engaging with someone under the age of 18, it’s abuse. It’s kind of a long and hazy list.”

Wolf, who is polyamorous and a member of the kink movement, said everybody has their own threshold of comfort, which is why she talks to her sexual partners before engaging in any activity. As a polyamorist, Wolf has romantic and sexual relationships with more than one person. They discuss safe words — words that mean there’s something wrong with the activity — as well as safe sex practices.

“There’s a dark side to it, but there’s a dark side to anything that involves humans,” Wolf said. “If my friend Melanie wants to play, for example … and we have never talked about sexual relationships before, we negotiate it. I’m like ‘What if it comes up?’ And she’s like ‘As long as it’s in the confines of a scene, then absolutely.’”

Wolf has multiple sexual partners of both genders. She sees some every day and others twice per year, and her partners typically have multiple sexual partners as well. She said she rarely gets jealous when her partners engage with others, but when she does, it’s because she hasn’t seen them in a while, not because they are enjoying themselves with others.

“‘Compersion’ is the opposite of jealousy: when you’re really happy that somebody else is happy,” she said. “I will get a little ‘woo’ (jealous) if somebody else gets to take my boyfriend out for dinner and I didn’t, but as long as I get those quality moments, then it’s fine. I’m not hardwired to be upset.”

Wolf grew up in a conservative family, attended church and led her church’s drama troupe. She said she began to realize she was queer in high school, but didn’t officially come out until later.

“I have been a freak, a weird person, one of those crazy people, my entire life,” Wolf said. “Do I get bummed out some days, on occasion? Less and less.”

Wolf said she makes enough money to pay the bills through teaching and educating. Now she does freelance consulting, but she said when she had a regular job, she didn’t actively hide her lifestyle from people at work, though she dressed conservatively and didn’t bring it up. Wolf was once fired after she was accused of discussing fellatio in the workplace, which she said she never did. She sued the company and the case was settled outside of court in her favor.

Wolf studied theater at UNM, which translated into her career. She said she loves the theater aspect of her job, especially when she can recite classic quotes from Dante at the Launchpad as part of a show.

“For me, the stage and film is where I get to be the bad guy; it’s where I get to be Jack, but I also can be very satisfied from a successful vocal performance,” Wolf said. “I’ve been performing my entire life.”

Sanctuary Above the Crypt: Neon Apocalypse 2
Saturday, Feb. 23 at 9 p.m.
Evolution Nightclub,
6132 4th St. N.W.