Well, the holidays are almost upon us, and as I face an entire month of potential unemployment, it behooves me to find some form of entertainment that my indigent comrades and I can charge on a credit card. That said, this year's bumper crop of big-budget Hollywood movies looks like it might have something for everyone - from period pieces to crime thrillers; cheesy family tearjerkers to gritty boxing films.
Michael Mann brings the life of legendary boxer Muhammad Ali to life in the much ballyhooed "Ali" Dec. 7. The pic stars former Fresh Prince Will Smith as the defiant boxer who took on the law, the status quo and a war, while still finding time to become one of the most admired fighters in the world. Jamie Foxx, John Voight and Mario Van Peebles costar in Columbia Pictures' as yet unrated "Ali."
Brain damage and religious conversion a little too heavy for you? Try sinking your teeth into this rice-cake of a film - "Not Another Teen Movie." Press clippings call this movie "irreverent," and suggest that it will "skewer the conventions and clichÇs of a genre you hate to love." Hmmph. Well, at least this one comes with a splendid press kit in a genuine Trapper Keeper. From the Keeper's non-sequitur wisdom, I learned that you can remember the order of the solar system with the following mantra: "My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pies." Anyway, the gag in this movie is the cast of characters, from Janey, the "Pretty Ugly Girl" who listens to Bikini Kill and eats tofu, to the "Token Black Guy" who just shows up to say things like "bling bling" and "That is whack!" to "The Popular Jock," who will battle with "The Obsessed Best Friend" for the affections of Janey.
A host of other silly high school characters played by washed-up WB stars join the fray in this inevitable follow-up to horror flick send-up "Scary Movie." This Columbia Pictures release is rated R and will be in theaters Dec. 14.
Standup comic and sitcom star Tim Allen reprises his ubiquitous hapless father figure role as Joe in the Dec. 21 Twentieth Century Fox release "Joe Somebody." Joe, a divorced corporate everyman, watches his dead-end personal and professional life turn around after the office bully publicly humiliates him in front of his daughter. As he begins to train for a rematch, Joe realizes he doesn't need revenge to earn his daughter's respect and win the heart of a coworker. Awww. Kelly Lynch, Julie Bowen and Jim Belushi costar.
Maybe you haven't seen the commercials yet, so you should know that there's a Las Vegas crime caper starring George Clooney, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts coming out Friday! The Warner Brothers pic "Ocean's Eleven" follows man of action Danny Ocean, played by Clooney and his madcap 11-man crew of specialists as they plot to steal $150 million from three casinos owned by the new boyfriend of Ocean's ex-wife, Tess, played by Roberts.
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To score the cash, he'll have to risk his life and his chance of reconciling with Tess. Or will he? This R-rated flick's got big-budget special effects and bad noir film lines written all over it.
I'm looking forward to the Dec. 21 release of Warner Brothers' "The Majestic." Jim Carrey - who I really enjoy when he's not talking with his asshole or catching his own goobers - takes another serious turn, a la "Man on the Moon," as a young, ambitious Hollywood screenwriter blacklisted during the communist witch-hunt in the 1950s. He loses his job and his identity, only to find new courage, love and the power of conviction in the heart of a small town. "The Majestic" is not yet rated.
Oh - dig out those black Air Jordans and your 12-sided dice, "Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" will start thrilling the post-Harry Potter gaming set Dec. 19. Based on J.R.R. Tolkein's book series, "Fellowship" will begin a trilogy of live-action movies filmed consecutively. Reviews of this take on hobbit Frodo Baggin's fight against an evil power gripping Middle-earth look promising. Elija Wood, Cate Blanchett and Liv Tyler star.
Cameron Crowe directs New Line's "Vanilla Sky," a remake of the 1998 Spanish flim "Open Your Eyes," hitting theaters Dec. 14. Creepy cultist Tom Cruise stars with his just plain creepy girlfriend Penelope Cruz as lovers torn apart by a psychotically jealous ex-girlfriend, played by Cameron Diaz. "Vanilla Sky" is rated R.
"A Beautiful Mind," which hits theaters Jan. 4, features Russell Crowe as a genius who can effortlessly work mathematical miracles, but his personal life falters due to his schizophrenia. Jennifer Connelly stars as the faithful wife in this Universal Pictures PG-13 flick. Didn't we see this before in "Good Will Hunting?"
"Rushmore" director Wes Anderson directs the Dec. 14 Touchstone release "The Royal Tenenbaums." I'm excited about this potential oddball about an eccentric New York family of geniuses abandoned by their father, Royal, played by Gene Hackman. Hijinx result as Royal returns and tries to rejoin his family. Ben Stiller, Gwyneth Paltrow and Bill Murray co-star.
Hopefully that will be enough cinema to keep you busy.
