Creepy, over-developed black and white photos, three guitarists and no talent, flagrant displays of tattoos, references to fatality - does this sound familiar?
Dragpipe, the newest six-member neo-metal super troupe has no problem being as formulaic as a linear equation and as boring as chicken broth. Lead singer Jai Diablo attests to it when he chatters "I'm so simple-minded" on the group's major label debut Songs for the Last Day of Your Life. At least he's honest with himself.
To like heavy metal means to be suspicious of contemporary heavy metal. Bands like Pantera, System of a Down and Metallica have at least been able to trademark a novel sound. However, musical pioneers such as these only surface when the planets are in mysterious cosmic alignment.
Regrettably, the meantime gap is filled with what seems to be a infinite number of bands brewing a metallurgy so devoid of originality that it borderlines on banality.
No doubt the metal of the late '90s and early 21st century will become so antiquated and forgotten that, like '80s hair-metal, it will vanish, leaving behind only a trail of slime and several VH-1 documentaries.
Any band that tries to enforce their hardcore validity vicariously through a barrage of obscure or otherwise twisted pennames - i.e. Diablo, Sleeves, Slick - is obviously suffering from an inferiority complex. Modern heavy metal monikers more often than not reflect demonic or morbid characteristics. Granted Rob Zombie had the same approach, but the man worked as an art director and production assistant for Pee Wee's Playhouse. His name is well earned as he understands the sinister and weird.
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Diablo, on the other hand, understands how to write unremarkable lyrics and has successfully done so to the nth degree.
When Diablo isn't warbling like Richard Patrick from Filter, he's belting out trivialities at the top of his lungs like "life is a fucking cruise" or "drinking wine with my friends."
At least Diablo informs the audience that Dragpipe is not just another malt liquor guzzling metal band, the members are also sophisticated wine connoisseurs.
Unfortunately for the listener, they're not sophisticated musicians and at times resort to borrowing riffs from Slipknot. The album's final cut "Diablo Handshake" is so similar to Slipknot's "Wait and Bleed" it's uncanny.
Innovation was assuredly on vacation when Dragpipe was composing, or rather, decomposing this pigeonholed trash. The string quartet that comprises the group's bass and guitar section would benefit from purchasing some Apocalyptica for inspiration.
Agent Orange hit the nail on the head when they said, "it's getting harder every day to think of better things to say."
Dragpipe has no problem cranking out meat grinder music that puts Agent Orange on a pedestal next to Nostradamus for speaking the truth.
Diablo and Dragpipe hardly offer the listener anything they haven't heard or seen before from hard-rocking, disgruntled dejected youth except that the CD booklet could double for a Human Anatomy 101 study guide.
Nice bone diagrams.
