by Steven Fernandez
Daily Lobo
I know we are in the era of parity in the NFL, but this season has been ridiculous.
The defending Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers decided to take the year off. Tom Brady is choking at the end of games, and Peyton Manning just lost his first game of the season to a giant-eared dwarf named Tony Romo.
On top of that, Joey Harrington is having a resurgence in Miami. And if he's not careful, he may win more games this year than the Miami Heat.
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Anyway, let's get on with the Slightly After Midseason Awards.
Most valuable player
I don't think there's any question right now that it's LaDainian Tomlinson. That dude has declared war on the rest of the league. With 22 touchdowns through 10 games, he is on pace to obliterate Shaun Alexander's record of 28 from last season. There isn't this much scoring on the show "Nip/Tuck."
Defensive player of the year
I was tempted to be different and vote for somebody other than Brian Urlacher. But when the Monster of the Midway himself heard of this, he flew to Albuquerque, kicked down my front door, and tossed me around my room until I had several broken bones and missing teeth. Point taken, Brian - you are the defensive MVP for the second year in a row. Now if you could just give me back my left leg, I would appreciate it.
Biggest disappointment
The Arizona Cardinals have now become synonymous with the word "pathetic." How do you have Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald as your wide receivers, Edgerrin James as your running back, Matt Leinart your quarterback, and still not be competition for the Ohio State Buckeyes? Oh well, at least head coach Dennis Green gave us a special moment when he attacked an innocent and defenseless microphone at a press conference. He's awesome.
Fantasy bust of the year
This award goes to the entire Oakland Raiders' offense. Everybody I know that drafted LaMont Jordan, Randy Moss, Jerry Porter or Aaron Brooks has been begging me to hit them in the face with a barbwire bat to dull the pain. Yes, we all know Randy Moss is a babycry punk, but you would think the Raiders would throw him the ball more than three times a season.
Scariest player in the league
Watching Shawne Merriman play gave me the chills before I found out he was on steroids. He's like the Chuck Norris of the NFL. And he looks like some escaped prison inmate who could break you in half with one hit. Add to that the fact he is probably eating steel fences somewhere while serving his suspension, and quarterbacks everywhere are going to be in trouble when he returns. Just don't tell Urlacher I didn't pick him for this award.
