Electric sign outside SUB a great investment for UNM

Editor,

So I was walking across that plaza in front of Zimmerman today, thinking about how unfortunate it is that UNM cannot hire another history professor so I can take that one class I still need for my Ph.D. Planning what I can do to squeeze a few hundred bucks out of the college to attend an academic conference and deciding which of the campus’s newly renovated snack bars I should visit to refill my mug. Then I noticed it, a big ugly monstrosity of a sign.
Here’s what it said, in all its digital glory:

”Welcome to the UNM SUB!
3:14 p.m.
80 F”

Are you kidding? Who the hell thought of this? Let’s go through just two of the problems.
First, the sign is ugly. I remember when I was in Paris and I saw the Louvre off in the distance for the first time and beheld with horror that glass pyramid which was being plopped in the midst of those beautiful Baroque buildings as if some remnant of a space-race satellite had crash landed there by unfortunate accident. I’ve managed to become provisionally convinced that this addition has some sort of architectural merit that is beyond my skill to understand, but I doubt that a big screen on a pole with wires falling about will ever meet even this minimal level of justification. If we really needed some new carrier of information, did anyone consider, I don’t know, maybe Adobe?

Second, the sign is useless. I’m pretty sure any passerby could identify the adjacent building as the SUB by looking at any number of already existing signs. As for the time, I would bet that, with all the iPods, cell phones or laptops, and, forgive me for bringing up more ancient technology — watches, an intrepid student could easily discover the current time without undue intellectual strain. And the temperature, well, for the benefit of those who have not developed the skill to estimate temperature through the senses, I would have made myself available at any time to donate to the college $5.95 and head over to Walmart to buy a thermometer which could be stuck to any number of available surfaces.

Of course, I expect that the sign will get other uses. Perhaps it will make announcements. Here are some future potentialities:
UNM hires another vice president
Personal typist also hired
Other news: Tuition increasing
Or
UNM ceases granting degrees
UNM president says:
“It’s still a nice place to hang out!”
Or
Reports of student demonstrations exaggerated everyone remain calm

I therefore change my position. Way to go, whoever made that decision! I just hope we get a good snowfall next year. That sign will make a good target.

Douglas Ryan VanBenthuysen
Graduate Student in Medieval English Ph.D. Program

Editor’s note: Parts of your letter remind me of Ignatius Reilly’s from that masterpiece of comedy literature, A Confederacy of Dunces. I hope you’ll read it if you haven’t. Thanks for writing.